


Lost but Not Forgotten

by Anonymonimus



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Agender Frisk, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ambiguous-Gender Frisk, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Porn, Angsty Schmoop, Attempted Undertale Genocide Run, Boys In Love, Break Up, Brother/Brother Incest, Brotherly Love, Comfort/Angst, Conflict, Dark, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Dom Mettaton, Dom Papyrus, Domestic Fluff, Ecto-Genitalia (Undertale), Ecto-Vagina (Undertale), Ectobiology, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flirting, Flirty Frisk, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fontcest, Frisk Is The Human, Gay Sex, Gratuitous Smut, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Incest, Incest, Loneliness, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Manhandling, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Mettaton EX, Mild Smut, Minor Grillby/Sans, Morally Ambiguous Character, No More Resets (Undertale), Non-Graphic Violence, Nonbinary Chara and Frisk, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Sans, PapySans, Papyrus Doesnt Remember Resets, Poor Sans, Pre-Undertale Genocide Route, Reconciliation, References to Depression, References to Undertale Genocide Route, Romantic Fluff, Sad, Sad Ending, Sans Remembers Resets, Sans-centric, Sex, Shameless Smut, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Smut, Sub Papyrus, Sub Sans, True Love, Unfortunate Implications, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, Violence, papyton, past Papyrus/Sans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8539141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymonimus/pseuds/Anonymonimus
Summary: Sans emptied another bottle of alcohol as he leaned against his door, listening to his brother and Mettaton's moaned I love yous barely muffled beneath the sound of some random human movie. He swallowed the burning liquid with big gulps, allowing his mind to wander to a bygone time only he remembered wherein Papyrus said "I love you" to him and not Mettaton.





	1. Papyrus was Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I hate myself which is why I'm posting this story now and not waiting until I've completed my two remaining dissertations.**
> 
> **This story is entirely dedicated to[nagisaheichou](http://nagisaheichou.tumblr.com/) for being a great person and a fantastic source of inspiration.**
> 
> **Fair warning to all fontcest shippers here for the fontcest: papyton shippers are going to have a better time than you.**
> 
> **That's all I'm saying to avoid spoilers.**
> 
> **Now, ENJOY!**

Papyrus was happy.

He had a nice job as a sentry in Snowdin. He strived for a promotion to become a Royal Guard but never quite passed the assessment exams Undyne gave him thus far. That being said, he never let it deter him. Every test he failed helped him improve and better himself for the next one. He was going to keep working hard and diligently. Eventually, and he was certain of it, he would pass one of the exams and achieve his dream job. Maybe Undyne would even make him her lieutenant one day. But now he was getting ahead of himself.

Papyrus was happy.

He lived in a nice house with a great big brother. Sure, Sans was lazy; he slept almost all the time, slacked off, and ditched work more times than not, but he had a golden heart. He was dedicated and passionate even if he tried hiding it beneath an apathetic façade. He was also kind of funny, but Papyrus would never explicitly admit to it. Sans was imperfect – _perfectly_ imperfect, just the way Papyrus liked him. Though it would still be nice if he actually picked up his socks once in a while.

Papyrus was happy.

In addition to have a nice job, a nice house, and a great big brother, Papyrus also had a fantastic boyfriend. Mettaton was caring, loving and generous. He showered Papyrus with everything he remotely desired – even if it was just a fleeting interest. He had too much money to manage and so he didn't mind carelessly throwing it around. This consequently meant that their nice house suddenly became a luxurious house filled with the most stylish furniture and expensive electronic entertainment sets. Recently, they had even expanded it to enlarge Papyrus's already spacious room to accommodate Mettaton. The latter had actually suggested he move out of Snowdin and into one of the apartments of the hotel he had bought, but Papyrus liked living with Sans and so this became the resulting compromise. And it was perfect.

Papyrus was happy.

He now lived in a luxurious house with nearly all the monsters he cared most about. The last thing that he needed to be as happy as possible was for Undyne to move in with them; but that was impossible. She didn't like Mettaton and couldn't stand Sans's horrible jokes. Frankly, neither could Mettaton which was source for a lot of conflict in the home, but it wasn't so bad. Despite all their yelling and arguing, Papyrus was sure that underneath everything Sans and Mettaton were great friends who simply enjoyed bickering.

"you seem happy." Sans commented, side-glancing at his taller brother.

They were both sat on the sofa, waiting for Mettaton to return from their expanded kitchen with a bowl of popcorn. Papyrus was excited to have a wonderful movie night with two monsters he absolutely adored and couldn't imagine his life without.

"I am." Papyrus confirmed giddily. "I don't think I've ever been happier than I am now."

Sans smirked and glanced away, staring at the DVD menu on the TV screen. "i'm glad."

"To think this all started because Mettaton asked you to perform at his restaurant." He sighed, remembering the moment fondly. When one of the famous robot's performers had cancelled at the last second, he had reached out to Sans after hearing from other monsters how brilliant of a comedian he truly was. He performed, he invited Papyrus to tag along and later introduced him to Mettaton, and then the rest was history.

"yeah, who knew i'd be living with one of my bosses one day." Sans commented mostly to himself.

"Life is strange." Papyrus chuckled. "But I'm so thankful things turned out this way."

Sans smiled, staring off into the distance. "yeah."

"Alright, boys!" Mettaton shouted as he returned from the kitchen with a big bowl of popcorn, "Enough chitchat! It's time we watch a movie!"

Sans rolled his eyes and Papyrus laughed. The robot plopped onto the sofa, sitting in between the brothers and threw an arm around Papyrus. He pulled the skeleton close to his body and allowed him to lean his head on his shoulder while he reached for the remote. Sans curled into a ball, tucking his knees close to his chest as Mettaton shuffled through the DVD's menu options. He seemed almost disinterested, but then again he always looked that way.

"Darn! I thought Alphys said this movie was in English!" Mettaton complained, "There are only English subtitles!"

"like you were actually going to watch it." Sans snorted sarcastically.

"You're right." Mettaton conceded bluntly, "We were probably just going to make out the whole time just like we are now."

He then turned to Papyrus and planted a kiss on his forehead, quickly peppering him with more pecs when he began laughing and flailing. The bowl of popcorn toppled out of Mettaton's lap but Sans managed to catch it before it spilled. He held it for a moment before he finally rose from his seat and placed it where he had been sitting.

"Wait, Sans—" Papyrus called as he wrestled Mettaton's face away from his long enough to speak.

"don't let me stop you, bro." He joked as he headed towards the stairs.

Papyrus wanted to beckon him back, but Mettaton suddenly managed to slip past him and resumed his attack. He kissed his forehead and cheeks, moving to tickle his neck. The taller skeleton was thus too distracted to ask for Sans to return and eventually conceded to his boyfriend's affection. He decided to fight back with his own flurry of kisses. They quickly found themselves in a tangled mess of limbs. Fun and games were soon set aside when Mettaton pressed his metallic lips against Papyrus's collarbone, earning a surprised moan in response.

"M-Mettaton!" Papyrus gasped in an agitated whisper.

"What?" The robot responded innocently as his fingers moved to trace the other's ribs sensually.

"We can't…" Papyrus blushed, "Not _here…_ "

"Why not?" Mettaton challenged.

"Because Sans sits on this couch too!" He argued, all the more embarrassed.

"We can just put something beneath us to avoid a mess." Mettaton offered and kissed at Papyrus's neck when he saw his shocked expression, "Besides," he added, "If we go back to our room, Sans will definitely hear us. He's in _his_ room, you know…"

Papyrus covered his face in embarrassment. They were supposed to watch a movie and have a nice bonding time – but the taller skeleton would be a liar if he said he didn't find the idea of sex currently more appealing. "What if…" Papyrus started quietly, "What if Sans comes out of his room? He'll see…"

"He's probably already sleeping, Papyrus." Mettaton pointed out, "You know how he is."

"True…" Papyrus reckoned.

"We'll be quiet." Mettaton added, "We can even turn on the movie so the sound will muffle whatever noise we make… _you_ make." Papyrus blushed all the more and frowned at the robot who simply laughed. "Don't look at me like that! You're the one who's loud! It's not _my_ fault!"

"Yes it is…" Papyrus countered, "You know how to make me feel good…"

Now it was Mettaton's turn to blush. Papyrus didn't understand how it was physically possible given he was made of metal, but it was endearing all the same. "If there was a chance that we postpone this, it's totally gone now." He claimed.

"Agreed." Papyrus seconded with a soft giggle. He already felt something stir in between his legs which simply made him all the more eager to get intimate.

Mettaton leaned in, pausing when his lips were inches away from Papyrus's mouth. "I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too." Papyrus replied, closing the remaining gap between them.

The kiss was slow and sweet, steadily building to something a bit naughtier, but Papyrus didn't mind. It was what he wanted. It was what Mettaton wanted. How he loved that famous monster. Time and time again, the skeleton couldn't quite believe his affection was truly reciprocated but tender moments like these casted his doubts aside. Mettaton loved him and he loved Mettaton and he wouldn't have it any other way. He couldn't _imagine_ it any other way.

Papyrus was happy.

But Sans wasn't.

And he was glad his brother never came into his room anymore under the pretext that it was far too filthy for his tastes. It kept Papyrus from finding the many empty bottles of alcohol scattered across his floor. Sans emptied another one as he leaned against his door, listening to his brother and Mettaton's moaned I love yous barely muffled beneath the sound of some random human movie. He swallowed the burning liquid with big gulps, allowing his mind to wander to a bygone time only he remembered wherein Papyrus said "I love you" to him and not Mettaton.

Papyrus was happy.

Sans was miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I don't intend to make this story very long. I don't want it to be very long either. I initially had 5 chapters in mind as a total but that's not realistic. I want things to build in a realistic manner and so it will take the time it takes.**
> 
> **I can't guarantee when this story will update but it won't be frequently or regularly.**


	2. Sans was Miserable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I was initially going to hold out on this chapter but decided I would at least guarantee an update every 14th of the month (why 14? cuz it's the best fucking number get out of my face).**
> 
> **Also, I had it done and was eager to add on to this story so there's that.**
> 
> **On that note, I just want to clear up a misconception. This story is based off[this](http://nagisaheichou.tumblr.com/post/148806152575) and not [this](http://nagisaheichou.tumblr.com/post/153126431067/nagisaheichou-sooooits-challenge-again-d-day). The latter comic was inspired by the idea of this story (even if it did come after) because naigsaheichou and I share ideas and by that I mean I mostly pelt her with my passing thoughts. What the second comic did though was make me actually work on this story and get it going somewhere out of a weird sense of competition ~~with a different writer~~.**
> 
> **The reason I'm bringing this up is so that there are no misconceptions. The second comic and this story share certain ideas, but they won't share even remotely the same context. For example: in the second comic, Mettaton and Papyrus are about to marry and I can assure you that won't happen in this story ~~because I don't believe in mariage~~.**
> 
> **All this to say Nagisaheichou's thing will remain her own wonderfully beautiful thing and my story will be its own separate imperfect entity. So don't assume certain things will transpire based off how her version of the story developed ;P These two stories will be very different.**
> 
> **Now ENJOY!**

Sans woke up on the floor, clutching an empty bottle in his hand. He slowly pushed himself up soon noticing the abysmal headache rattling his skull. He was definitely hung over and, if he remembered correctly, he had recently run out of aspirin. He would have to fetch some later. For now, he took a moment to gain his bearings and wake up. He gazed emptily at his room, eyes floating between the many scattered bottles. He should probably clean them up lest Papyrus finally decide to start visiting his room again. But after a long moment of consideration, Sans opted against it.

"whatever." He muttered to himself as he got onto his feet.

The smaller skeleton wobbled a bit. He steadied himself before walking out of the front door, listening intently to see if he could catch any signs of Mettaton or Papyrus still lingering in their house. 'Their' house. He scoffed at the thought. Despite Sans having bought the dwelling to begin with, he felt like an extra – a permanent third wheel. He had lost his place the moment he agreed to let the robot join them and modify whatever he felt needed improving. He kept up a bright smile and continued to crack jokes for Papyrus's sake, but genuine sentiment was missing.

Everything had gone so horribly wrong. Sans doubted he would ever be happy for the remainder of the reset and thus he eagerly waited for it to end so he could try again. Every passing day, he prayed the human would fall into the Underground sooner than expected for whatever reason. He wanted them to go on their rampage and kill everyone because he knew that regardless of all the suffering and torment, there would be a reset and none of it would matter. Still, Sans felt wrong and terrible to wish for such a thing. Death and murder, he supposed, were terrible even if the act was temporary.

Sans climbed down the stairs and headed for their kitchen. It was much bigger than it had once been and given that Mettaton was now a permanent resident, their refrigerator was always filled to the brim with many things most of which weren't spaghetti. At least one positive thing had come from the robot's invasion. However, Sans barely got a chance to consider what he would eat as he noticed the bane of his current life sitting in the kitchen sipping on what was probably a mug of oil. According to Mettaton, it tasted horrendous but helped his body run smoothly.

The moment he came into view, the robot in question lowered his mug and fixed Sans with his gaze. He said nothing and yet there was something accusatory about the look he was giving. Naturally, the smaller skeleton elected to ignore it. He didn't care about what Mettaton had to say – well, so long as it had nothing to do with Papyrus's wellbeing. Sans gave him a polite nod before heading towards the refrigerator to fish out a meal. He continued to feel the other monster's hard stare bare into his back and he knew it inevitably meant he would be stuck engaging in a conversation.

"what." Sans sighed.

"You're supposed to be on sentry duty." Mettaton reproached, tilting in his chair to look at Sans.

"takin' a break." He mumbled his response, grabbing a few Tupperwares and examining their content. He placed them back where he found them, deciding he wasn't in the mood to eat what they contained.

"This is the first time you've left your room today." Mettaton stated. His tone had Sans sighing once more, shutting the refrigerator door and slowly turning to face the robot. He hoped he conveyed the depths of his annoyance adequately. "I know," Mettaton continued, "because I looked into your room when Papyrus wondered if you had already left."

Sans stiffened. "what did you tell him?"

Worried thoughts flooded his mind. If Mettaton looked into his room, surely he found him passed out on his floor holding an empty bottle of alcohol. He probably also noticed the many other ones scattered everywhere else. It wasn't a secret that they didn't get along – except to Papyrus – and Sans couldn't see why Mettaton wouldn't have sold him out. The robot was desperate for excuses and reasons to get Papyrus to move out; Sans being an alcoholic mess was probably exactly what he needed to accomplish his goal.

There was a long pause wherein Mettaton said nothing. He simply stared at Sans as though assessing him. Then, one of his chest compartments opened and he grabbed whatever it held, tossing it at him. Sans caught it and was admittedly surprised to find aspirins.

"I told him you left early." Mettaton replied much to the smaller skeleton's confusion. "I'm not in the business of lying to Papyrus, but I made a special exception."

"at what price?" Sans frowned sceptically.

"The price of being a benevolent monster." Mettaton snorted, brushing his hair back.

"liar." Sans stated bluntly.

"Fine. Maybe I do have a price." Mettaton conceded.

"what is it?" Sans asked apprehensively.

"Convince Papyrus to move out with me." Mettaton demanded. "I don't understand why he's so adamant on staying here. I think he might be afraid of such a big change, but we're adults – _lovers_. We need our own space."

"papyrus does what he wants." Sans replied, "if he wants to stay, he'll stays. if he wants to leave, he'll leave. who am i to tell him what to do?"

"I'm not telling you to kick him out." Mettaton sighed in annoyance, "I want you to have a talk with him. Figure out _why_ he's hesitant about leaving this dull place and see if there's something you can say that'll change his mind."

"and that'll buy your silence?" Sans asked.

"Yes." Mettaton promised.

"what if i can't change his mind?" Sans added.

"If you figure out what's stopping him from leaving my lips will remained sealed." Mettaton conditioned.

Sans nodded. He glanced back at the refrigerator. He wasn't particularly hungry anymore, not after bargaining with Mettaton. They may have come to a sort of understanding, but it would still be foolishly idiotic of Sans to trust that he would uphold their deal no matter what. They weren't friends; they couldn't even get along for Papyrus. And so, with a shrug, Sans walked away. He could get something to eat at Grillby's. Heck, he could also get a drink. He certainly needed one now more than before.

"Sans…" Mettaton said, stopping him dead in his tracks, "You…you should take better care of yourself. We don't get along, but Papyrus would be devastated if he discovered what you were up to…"

Sans laughed. "you really are a good actor." He said bitterly, "you almost sounded genuine."

He teleported away before Mettaton could add anything else. He didn't care. He didn't want to hear it. He wanted to drown his problems away. Sans paused in front of Grillby's, glancing at the aspirins he still clutched in his hand. His head was pounding but he shoved the pills in his pocket. He was about to get drunk again. The booze would take care of the headache. He could use the pills later, when he sobered up.

And without further ado, Sans walked into Grillby's. He greeted the typical patrons. A few monsters made jokes in regards to Sans skipping out on work again and he responded with the same kind of humour. He stirred a few laughs and did a small, improvised routine before heading to the bar and ordering some food. He chatted with Grillby for a little before ordering his first drink. By the third drink, Sans was socialising with the usual drunks who wasted their time away the same way he did. He spent the rest of the day in a similar manner without much care or worry. Papyrus didn't like going to Grillby's. Sans knew his brother wouldn't wander in. The only times he had ever done so before had been after Sans had explained to him the flame monster actually had a proper menu with healthier food options. But that was in a different timeline.

Sans chuckled to himself at the thought. They had had so many dates in Grillby's dinner. So many wonderful dates that only he remembered. It hurt to think about them for that very reason. Sans was the only holder of those memories and they were made all the more painful when Mettaton was considered. But he pushed any thoughts of the robot away. If he didn't have to think about him, he wouldn't. Instead, Sans decided to indulge in bygone memories. It was a poisonous habit, but it was the only thing that was going to get him through this timeline until the reset – that and copious amounts of alcohol.

Eventually supper time was just about ready to roll around. Sans cut himself off and drank gallons of water to sober up. When he considered he was in a good enough shape to return home, he saluted Grillby and the remaining patrons and was subsequently on his way. He took his time and extended the short walk as much as he could. Part of it was to make sure he was truly sober enough to pretend he hadn't spent the entire day drinking, the other part was because he knew he would happen upon the sickly domestic sight of his brother with Mettaton and he wished to delay the inevitable a little bit. Sans bitterly began to recall when he and his brother acted in such a manner during so many previous resets.

How he missed those wonderful days…

Of course, he pushed his jealousy aside when he walked through the front door. Sans found Papyrus and Mettaton sitting on the sofa together. When the taller skeleton caught sight of him, he angrily jumped from where he sat, standing akimbo. "Sans!" He chastised, "I didn't see you at work today! Didn't you leave early?"

"sure did." Sans lied, ignoring the reproachful look Mettaton was sending his way.

"Where were you?" Papyrus demanded.

"working diligently." Sans grinned toothily. "so diligently—" he yawned, "i'm actually tired. so if you'll excuse me, bro, i'm going to go to sleep."

"What about supper?" He asked.

"i ate at Grillby's."

Sans quickly circled around Papyrus and made his way upstairs. He luckily managed to escape any further interrogation, though he wasn't sure he would be so lucky next time. Regardless, the smaller skeleton was a little tired. He considered going to sleep when a half full bottle of fire whisky laying on the top of his clothes pile caught his eye. The temptation was too much to resist. How could he deprive himself of his coping mechanism when Papyrus was downstairs with Mettaton? For all he knew, they were kissing or fucking or both on the couch again…the same way he and Papyrus once had during a previous timeline.

"fuck my life." Sans groaned to himself, snatching the bottle almost aggressively. Time and time again, living was just painful.

He was admittedly, a bit of a mess at the moment. Fortunately, to his knowledge, Papyrus was unaware and it was better that way. However, the taller skeleton was actually catching on unbeknownst to Sans. He stood where the latter had left him for a long moment, staring at Sans's door from the living room. He had noticed how evasive and distant he was becoming – especially during the past few weeks. Where Papyrus initially thought it was because he and Mettaton's displayed affection made him uncomfortable, he was now beginning to think otherwise.

"Papy?" Mettaton called softly. "Is something wrong?"

"I get the feeling Sans isn't doing so well…" Papyrus admitted. "I'm worried."

"He's acting the same he usually does." Mettaton said.

"Doesn't he seem a bit distant to you?" Papyrus asked, finally turning away to look at his boyfriend.

"Not particularly, no." Mettaton replied with a shrug. Papyrus frowned, unsatisfied with the answer. He wringed his hands together anxiously as he considered other alarming hints he had noticed before, wondering if they were the product of his worried imagination or not. The skeleton didn't think too much about it when Mettaton caught his attention by opening his arms, beckoning him in a tender embrace. "Come here, love." Papyrus snuggled himself against Mettaton's chest, climbing onto his lap and resting his head beneath his chin. "Sans is an adult. He knows how to take care of himself."

"I know…" Papyrus reluctantly conceded.

"But…if you're worried." The robot continued after a brief pause, "You could always confront him."

"What do you mean?" Papyrus asked, tilting his head up to look at Mettaton's face.

"Sit him down." Mettaton suggested. "Tell him the truth; you're worried and if he needs to talk about something that's bothering him, you're there for him." Papyrus nodded quietly, pondering how he would address the conversation. "Tomorrow, work in Snowdin should be cancelled." Mettaton added, "According to Alphys, the weather in Snowdin has been plummeting the past few days and tomorrow should be far too cold for anyone to be out. Anyone except for me."

"Where are you going?" Papyrus asked.

"I've got a couple of shows to record in Hotland." Mettaton explained. "I'll be gone for a day or two, maybe more considering I need to change into my more practical form. Have that conversation with him by then."

"Maybe we can have some brotherly bonding time too." Papyrus smiled.

"Of course." Mettaton chuckled, kissing his skull. "But leave some time for me too!"

Papyrus giggled, planting a kiss upon the other's lips. "I promise." He smiled, "I'll call you every day until you come back."

"It's imperative that you do." Mettaton nodded in approval. "I need my daily doses of adorable skeleton." He then kissed Papyrus once more. "I love you."

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **It's funny because I'm pulling from personal experiences to write Sans.**
> 
> **Note: I'm not an alcoholic though.**


	3. There Were Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm supposed to be writing my 12 page Holocaust essay but instead I'm going to update this story!**
> 
> **So here we go! I actually don't have much else to say this chapter so...ENJOY!**

Work was cancelled as Mettaton had foretold. The robot left early in the morning and Papyrus saw him out. The door was opened only briefly, but he still felt the harsh sting of the cold. A part of him had doubted the temperature would be so bad, though he now knew the truth. A skeleton didn't feel the cold quite as much as any other monster, so if he got the chills from such little expose, he couldn't imagine how a monster with actual flesh would feel. Regardless, he kissed Mettaton goodbye and watched him make his way to the Riverperson's dock until he lost sight of him from the window.

At that point, Papyrus turned up the heat and found big cozy blankets he and Sans could snuggle into while they spent the day being lazy. To make them all the more comfortable, the taller skeleton decided to put them in the dryer for a quick cycle. Hopefully Sans would be awake once it was over and could also take advantage of a toasty blanket. However, upon glancing at one of the many clocks hanging on the walls of their house, Papyrus deduced it was far too early for Sans to wake up without having work for motivation. And yet, just as the thought crossed his mind, he heard the skeleton in question's door creek open.

"pap…?" Sans called from upstairs.

"I'm in the laundry room." Papyrus replied. He fiddled with the dryer's buttons to speed up the cycle.

"it's weirdly quiet…" He commented as he walked down the stairs, "where's mettaton?"

"He left about half an hour ago." Papyrus responded, leaving to meet his brother in the living room. "Why are you up?"

Sans grimaced in confusion. "we've got sentry duty." He replied.

"Well today's your lucky day, brother!" Papyrus cackled. "Work has been cancelled due to outrageously cold weather."

"cold…" Sans muttered but then stopped himself. "what day is it?"

"April 10th." Papyrus responded. He was a bit puzzled when that seemed to explain or justify something to Sans, but he decided it probably wasn't important.

"and where did mettaton go?" Sans asked again.

"He has a couple of things to record in Hotland so he'll be gone for a few days." Papyrus replied. Sans seemed absolutely shocked by the information to a degree he didn't quite understand. "What?" he asked, "Why are you acting like he never does this?"

"n-nothing." Sans stammered, shaking his head. He almost seemed a little giddy. "i just…i just didn't know…"

Papyrus frowned though was quickly distracted by the little jingle of the dryer. Whatever, he supposed. Sans was always a little weird. "Well now that you're up, you can't go back to sleep." Papyrus declared, heading back into the laundry room. "Today we're having a brotherly bonding day! A BBB if you will." Sans snickered as he trailed behind him, "What's more," the taller skeleton continued, prying the dryer's door open, "We now have warm blankets for snuggling purposes!"

He grabbed one and tossed it at Sans. The bundled blanket sprouted open covering him entirely, even after he stuck out his arms to catch it. Papyrus laughed at the silly sight of him, chuckling louder when Sans hugged himself and crawled into a fetal position on the floor.

"Sans!" Papyrus laughed.

"this is amazing." He said, his voice muffled by the thick blanket.

"Get up!" He insisted, nudging him with the tip of his foot. "You can't just be a ball."

"don't judge my life choices." Sans replied monotonously.

"Fine." Papyrus sighed, rolling his eyes. "You can't be a ball _here_. You can be one in the living room."

Without further word, Sans began rolling towards the living room. However, his aim was a bit off and instead of passing through the door, he smacked into the wall. Papyrus laughed again. He draped his blanket over his shoulders tying it around his neck to keep it from falling as he wandered to his brother once more.

"it seems i'm having a bit of a problem." Sans admitted still wrapped in his tight, cozy cocoon.

"Let me help." Papyrus snickered. He bent down and easily scooped Sans in his arms, effortlessly moving him into the living room. He set him on the sofa while he himself took a seat on the floor against it. "There."

Sans sniffed loudly and paused. "smells like sex." He commented, deadpan.

"S-Sans!" Papyrus screeched in indignation. He felt his cheeks flush with a harsh blush.

"pap, my face is pressed against the sofa cushions." he stated, "i can't help what i smell. way to not consider me when making that decision, by the way."

"W-we did no such thing!" Papyrus lied, his voice very high pitch. "I would never—"

"ooh! mettaton! yes!" Sans teased, wiggling around, "please put your metal penis inside me!"

"Oh my _god_ Sans! Shut up!" Papyrus cried, shoving him in embarrassment.

Sans chuckled, "did i get it wrong? is it actually the other way around?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you." Papyrus declared, pointedly folding his arms against his chest and turning his nose away.

"aww come on!" Sans joked, rolling off the sofa. He landed next to Papyrus with a very loud thud, though it didn't seem to hurt him. "aren't we supposed to be having a bbb? everyone knows guys only ever bond by talking about sex!"

"This was a horrible idea." Papyrus declared. "Go back to your room and just sleep the whole day."

"nope!" he cackled devilishly, rolling until he bumped into his brother, "we're _bonding_." He then popped his head out of the blanket and glanced up at Papyrus with an even expression. "be honest with me bro…does it vibrate?"

"Sans!" Papyrus screeched again, blushing horribly. He reached behind him and grabbed one of the sofa pillows, promptly swinging it at the smaller skeleton's face. "You're such a weirdo! Why do you have to harass me with these lewd questions?"

"because your reactions are hilarious." Sans laughed.

"At least someone's enjoying them." Papyrus grumbled. Silence washed over them for a beat. Sans rearranged himself, resting his head on the taller skeleton's lap and snuggling further into his warm blanket. Now was the time for them to talk about his worries, he supposed. Papyrus didn't anticipate he would feel so nervous. He wanted the conversation to go well and if it could conclude itself with the two crying and hugging with a reinforced bond that would be fantastic. "Sans." He forced himself to start. "You know I care for you…right?" Sans visibly stiffened and the other couldn't help but panic a bit. "I love you so, so much, brother. I need you to understand that."

Sans shuddered, curling in on himself and burying his face in the blanket. He gave a barely perceptible nod.

"I…I love you…" Papyrus reiterated and paused, "And I want to be there for you if something's upsetting you…" Sans relaxed a bit, though he couldn't be sure that was a good thing as he couldn't see his face. "You don't have to tell me if something's the matter, but if you want to, I promise I'll listen and do my best to help you get through it…I love you…okay?"

"okay…" Sans whispered after a drawn out moment. "you're right…something _is_ the matter…"

"I'm here for you, Sans." Papyrus repeated with conviction. It was important that Sans understand he would be by his side through thick and thin.

Sans pushed himself into a seating position. Papyrus was a bit startled to find him looking so torn and vulnerable in front of him. Sans always seemed to hide himself behind the façade of a jokester. This was the first time he seemed to truly open up.

"the honest truth is that…" he breathed heavily, slowly meeting Papyrus's intense gaze, "i don't know if mettaton's penis is more of a vibrator or a dildo and that bothers me."

"This BBB is cancelled." Papyrus bluntly declared, throwing his blanket over his head and wrapping himself in a tight cocoon out of resignation. Sans was absolutely unbelievable and Papyrus was honestly a little angry. He just wanted one serious heart to heart with his brother and Sans was too much of a child to give him that.

Little did he know that the immature jokes Sans kept making were a means to cover up his pain. The situation in which they found themselves was far too reminiscent of the first time they had ever become a couple in a past timeline. In the ones that followed, on this very day, Papyrus always engaged in an in-depth conversation and retrospect concerning their feelings which inevitably lead to a love confession. The only reason this time was different was because Sans made the mistake of introducing Papyrus to Mettaton before he had a chance to win his heart – an act he always accomplished by April 10th. Always up until this timeline, that was. That being said, despite knowing how hopeless his case was this time around, the smaller skeleton had still held out hope; hope that faded instantly when Papyrus failed to give his usual spiel with certain variants accommodating the various things that had been done to gain his love.

It broke Sans's heart to have to joke about Papyrus's boyfriend – to talk about Mettaton and pretend he was unbothered by the fact that they kissed, they embraced, and they made love. It hurt him almost physically to allow the robot in question to live with them thus subjecting himself to Papyrus expressing his love to the wrong monster frequently. And it destroyed his very core to have to keep his mouth shut and endure everything until the eighth human fell into the Underground again, completed their journey, and launched another reset. The pain was terrible and Sans desperately wanted to fish out one of his bottles of vodka hidden beneath his mattress to quench it. But he had to stay with Papyrus and he had to pretend nothing was wrong.

"i'm just joking with you paps." Sans forced out as he got on his knees and plopped over his brother. He forced his mind not to wander to bygone memories – memories that had been erased by a reset.

"I'm not." Papyrus declared, abruptly shifting out of his cocoon and back into his original seating position. The smaller skeleton fell back. "I really do worry about you and I want to be there for you. I just want you to be frank with me, Sans. I don't want to be the little brother you tease and treat like a joke. I want to be the monster you turn to when you're having a bad time for support and love."

Sans was taken aback by the seriousness of his tone. He admittedly felt bad for having resorted to a joke when being honest and open about his feelings was truly what Papyrus wanted. He wasn't in the habit of not adhering to his demands. He loved him too much to refuse him much of anything. "i understand." Sans said honestly. He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and clutched at it snugly. He supposed now was a better time than ever to talk about moving out. "and…i guess there is something i want to talk about…"

"If you make a joke about Mettaton's penis—" Papyrus warned.

"i won't. i promise." Sans swore, raising his hands defensively. He sighed deeply before continuing; "but i do want to talk about him."

"What is it?" Papyrus asked.

"why haven't you moved out with him yet?" Sans asked quickly, holding his breath afterwards. He hated that he had to ask that question. He hated that he had put himself in a situation where it could even be asked. Above all, he simply hated he wasn't the one Papyrus loved.

Papyrus seemed surprised by the question as though he hadn't conceived it as a possibility in the slightest. He blinked dumbly, considering his answer for a long moment. "I don't…I don't know." He admitted.

"i'm not kicking you out." Sans instantly clarified. If he couldn't indulge in his romantic feelings with Papyrus, then he would like to keep him by his side until the next reset. It seemed like a fair compromise. "i just…i know it's a topic that's come up often between the two of you…i guess i'm curious to know why you haven't agreed to it after so long."

Papyrus casted his gaze away. He dragged his knees to his chest and hugged his legs. "I've considered it…" He admitted quietly. "I mean, we're already living together so moving into our own place shouldn't be such a scary thought but…"

"there's nothing to be scared of." Sans whispered just loud enough to be heard.

"I like living here. I'm comfortable here." Papyrus explained. "I like living with you too. And, I mean…how are you going to survive without me to take care of you?"

"don't use me as an excuse, papyrus." Sans said offering a soft smile in spite of his displeasure.

"Sorry." Papyrus apologised. He sighed, burying his face in his knees. "I just…I know that as lovers we need our own space, but I don't understand why that space can't be in my room. He's made so many modifications to our house, I don't get why he would want to leave after all that…"

"i've got the answer for you." Sans stated. Papyrus looked at him inquisitively and waited for his answer. "me." he said, pointing his thumb at himself.

"Sans—"

"don't try to deny it, pap." Sans interrupted quickly, "i can't imagine having your boyfriend's brother constantly floating around is any fun. he wants a space for just the two of you; where you can just be you and hide away from the world…he can't have that here with me around."

Papyrus looked like he wanted to object and Sans truthfully wanted him to. He wanted Papyrus to cast Mettaton aside, to lunge forward and kiss him – to choose him. He wanted things to unfold the way they were meant to. He wanted Papyrus to tell him he loved him as more than a brother. But everything he wanted was currently unattainable which consequently meant that Papyrus simply did nothing and turned away. _Stars_ he needed to find an excuse to grab a drink.

"despite what it may sound like…" Sans continued after a long silence, "i'm still not trying to kick you out. i'm just explaining his point of view."

"I understand…" Papyrus nodded.

"you were talking about me relying on you for my problems…" Sans added, "i want you to know that you can rely on me too. so if you've got boy troubles…i'm here for you."

"Thanks, Sans." Papyrus smiled.

They stewed in silence for a moment longer but once they resumed talking, their conversation took a much lighter tone. They talked about sentry duty, about Papyrus's training, and other leisurely things, never once touching upon the subjects that had brought about such serious discussions. Mettaton, much to Sans's surprise, wasn't mentioned at all for the rest of the day. It was refreshing and allowed him the foolish luxury of pretending he wasn't even in the picture. However, he never allowed himself to go any further with his fantasy. The last thing he wanted was to accidentally blurt something he hadn't been supposed to say and deal with the repercussions until the human fell down.

Nevertheless, today had still developed into a nice day and Sans's urge to drink dissipated for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Penis jokes. Penis jokes everywhere.**


	4. But Sans Said Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I didn't think I was going to update today but I'm going to try something out so all you guys are lucky ~~that said I don't know when I'll update this story on other websites but oh well~~**
> 
> **Anyways, you guys won't get chapter 5 until a pretty long time because I've got exams in two weeks and next week I have to give in one 12 page essay (which I finished) another 10 page essay (in progress) and a reading sheet (have no started reading the reading or writing the sheet). And then, for my bullshit group project, I might have to help my team (despite how I did most of the work on my own and they should be able to do this themselves).**
> 
> **All that to say I'm busy as fuck so be patient with me. When all my shit's done and dealt with, you'll get more frequent and concise updates, promise! :D**
> 
> **Now, ENJOY!**

_Sans lied on his back watching the big cotton clouds mosey by in the bright blue sky. A warm breeze tickled his bones and swayed the grass surrounding him. In the distance, he could hear the leaves of trees rustle gently. He took a deep breath and released it, relaxing his body and almost melting into the ground. He chose not to question why he was on the surface, why he could look at the sky. Ignorance was bliss – though he had unfortunately realized so when it was far too late. Still, what little unawareness he could permit himself he did. So he laid on the grass and enjoyed the warm summer day while he still could._

_He closed his eyes only to open them moments later and find Papyrus standing above him, blocking the sun. The taller skeleton smiled tenderly and Sans returned the gesture with just as much love and affection. He felt his heart flutter in his chest. He wanted to kiss Papyrus, but something held him back; something he couldn't quite explained. It was a thought at the back of his mind that stayed his hand and obsessively repeated "no"._

" _Hello, Sans." Papyrus said as he lowered himself to his knees._

" _sup." Sans replied nonchalantly, following the other's movements with his gaze. He went to sit, but the moment he propped himself up on his elbows, Papyrus pressed his hand on his chest and pushed him back down. "…bro?"_

_But Papyrus said nothing. He leaned down and kissed Sans slowly. Their teeth clanked together and he eventually beckoned the smaller skeleton to open his mouth with his ecto tongue. The urge – the unexplainable thought that told Sans "no" rattled in his head almost violently, but he ignored it. His heart desperately needed this – needed to kiss Papyrus and indulge in his affection. He threw his arms around Papyrus's shoulders and pulled him closer as he deepened the kiss. The world seemed to disappear around them, but Sans didn't care. The Underground, the Surface; they were all insignificant details. He would be happy so long as Papyrus was his and he was Papyrus's._

" _pap…" Sans gasped as he pulled away. He stroked his cheek gently with his hand, his heart suddenly hurting for some reason. Words began bubbling in his throat and though he tried suppressing them, he eventually said: "this isn't real anymore."_

* * *

 

Sans opened his eyes. He wasn't lying on the grass beneath a warm summer sky and Papyrus wasn't with him. He was on his mattress, half covered in a thin blanket, in a dark room with the words "this isn't real anymore" echoing in his mind. He contemplated the sentence and the more he dwelled on it, the more his heart felt like it was being squeezed painfully. Sans reached for it, pressing his hand against his chest in a vain attempt to muffle the pain but to no avail. It continued to hurt and suddenly "this isn't real anymore" became devastating weight. It crushed his bones, shattering him into millions of bits – or so it felt like.

The smaller skeleton gripped at his chest through his shirt and covered his face with his other hand. He wasn't sure if he was trying to hide the tears that rolled down his face and stained his pillow or if the action was just a physical display of exasperation. It was likely a mixture of both. There were about five years left before the human was scheduled to fall into the Underground and Sans wasn't sure he could bare the lengthy wait especially if Mettaton and Papyrus continued to live with him. That being said, he wasn't sure the pain would be more bearable with the two away – or rather, with Papyrus away. He needed his brother.

"this sucks." Sans groaned, rolling on his side.

He reached for his blanket and pulled it over his shoulder. He was about to close his eyes again when he took notice of the dozens of empty bottles littering the floor of his room. His living space was more of a mess than it had ever been and he was frankly starting to get a bit disgusted with himself. He really needed to clean the bottles. If he did, he wouldn't be subjected to Mettaton's bargain anymore. And if the robot did decide to tell Papyrus about what he saw in spite of their deal, there would no longer be any proof to back up his statement. But then Sans's eyes wandered to the section of his room where half empty bottles were gathered. He stared at them for a moment before eventually pushing himself from his bed and grabbing one. Any plans to clean his room were cast aside and instead he opted to drown himself in another bottle of booze.

Sans sat by his pile with his back against the wall as he drank the remaining bottom of his fire whisky. Once he finished, he threw the empty bottle away and fished out something new: Snowdin Ice Vodka. Sans inspected the near full bottle before shrugging and unscrewing the top. He downed most of it in a couple of seconds, relishing in the painful burn the liquid left as it slid down his throat. When he stopped for a breather, the smaller skeleton began to feel the alcohol take its effect. His head was beginning to spin and living wasn't so painful anymore. Heck, he was almost happy. The last time he had felt even remotely close to this good had been during a previous timeline. And once his mind wandered to an erased past, he found that not only could he not leave it, but he didn't want to either.

Instead he remembered. He remembered when he had woken up with a horrible nightmare and Papyrus had rushed into his room with a sort of sixth sense to check on him. When his brother had found him sweating and hyperventilating, he scooped him in his arms and brought him back to his room. Perhaps he had only intended for them to sleep together, but when Papyrus had kissed him gently their plans had effectively changed. They had continued kissing while their hands wandered to the spots they knew pleasured the other. And when they had gotten aroused enough, Papyrus had removed his shirt while Sans had eagerly pulled off his pants and spread his legs—

"ah…crap." Sans sighed, glancing at the glowing bulge in between his legs. He drunkenly tugged at the hem of his shorts looking to see what he had accidentally conjured. "oh." He mumbled, slightly amused by what he found. "two things." He had an ecto cock and below that an ecto vagina both respectively erect and wet.

Neither were about to disappear any time soon and Sans was sort of in the mood to indulge in lewd pleasantries. It had been a very long time since he last touched himself. He set the bottle aside clumsily, accidentally tipping it over but not noticing. He pushed his pants down to his knees and looked at the ecto genitalia he was working with. He couldn't remember a time where he had utilized both at the same time, though he supposed it wouldn't be too complicated to figure out. He began by wrapping his hand around his erect shaft and pumping it slowly. A groan threaten to pass his mouth but he held it in. He may have been drunk, but Sans was still aware that he wasn't alone. Papyrus was sleeping in his room just next door.

_papyrus…_ Sans thought, slowing his ministrations.

How he wished he wasn't doing this alone. He wished Papyrus was with him, maybe beckoning him into surprisingly lewd situations that embarrassed him like he once had. Sans smirked at the memories, pumping his cock a bit more. One time, Papyrus had him wearing a revealing outfit. He had Sans sit on his bed and pleasure himself by doing what he ordered. Sans shivered, easily remembering his low tone and the dirty commands that filled him both with shame but also desire.

_I want to see you tease yourself, brother._ Sans remembered him saying, _Start with your ribs._

Sans held in a whimper as he moved a hand beneath his shirt to pinch the ribs he knew to be the most sensitive. He kneaded his thumb harshly into the bone, wriggling around moving into and away from his own contact as the pleasure continued to build. He also unconsciously began bucking his hips as he continued to pump his cock. He struggled to sit still as his hand slowly wandered to his sternum and he gasped audibly when he reached it. Of his chest area, it was the most sensitive part and so he struggled to keep any moan and mewls from seeping out of his mouth. Despite his efforts, a low whimper still managed to squeeze out.

"p-papyrus…"

_Is that not enough for you, Sans?_ He remembered Papyrus humming lowly, _Try touching your pelvis too._

Sans shuddered a breath as he glanced down. His cock was leaking with precum and his vagina was practically twitching with need. Where the former was being stimulated, the latter was currently being neglected. Sans decided to indulge it instead, the need of being penetrated by something being too great to continue reenacting bygone memories. He slipped his spare hand between his legs, tentatively toying with the wet pussy. He moaned when his fingers brushed against the clitoris and immediately froze out of fear of being heard. After a long beat of nothing, he decided it was safe to continue.

The smaller skeleton shifted his fingers to his entrance and slowly pushed them in. A delighted shiver crawled up his spine and briefly distracted him from continuously pumping his erection at a steady pace. _You're so impatient, Sans._ He could imagine Papyrus reproaching him, _If you're not going to listen to me, then at least give me a show!_

"o-okay…" he whispered to himself and opened his legs open as much as the pants around his knees would allow.

_Such a lewd sight…_ He imagined Papyrus saying with sparks of lust lighting his eyes. _Go on...touch yourself and don't hold anything back. I want to hear you, Sans._

Sans nodded to nothing and focused his gaze on his own pelvis as though he had broken eye contact with Papyrus. His thumb toyed with the head of his cock, rubbing the slit and spreading the precum over the rest of the shaft. His other fingers slowly began thrusting in and out of his pussy at a leisurely pace, looking for that special spot to set him off. The mixture of pleasure he was receiving from the two very different organs was strange but intoxicating. Sans had never felt so good before.

_You look so cute, Sans._ He imagined Papyrus cooing.

"papy—" Sans moaned, bucking his hips almost erratically.

He closed his eyes and started pretending Papyrus was the one touching him rather than himself. It felt wonderful but horrible at the same time because Sans wanted nothing more than to be fucked at the moment. Instead, he had to content himself with this little fantasy. He continued to moan and whimper as he pleasured himself, forgetting entirely he was supposed to be quiet. He simply felt too good and the fantasy of Papyrus telling him to be loud and lewd additionally seemed too real to ignore. However, he had managed to stay relatively quiet until his fingers jabbed into that special spot which nearly had him coming instantly. He continued to abuse it, unable to restrain his voice as he moaned and cried. Several thrusts and pumps later, he finally came hard.

Sans breathed harshly, leaning back against the wall and releasing his ecto organs to allow the magic to fade. He basked in the afterglow of his climax a little more sober than he had been at the start when a thought started echoing at the back of his mind. It took him a long moment to start hearing it clearly but, once he did, the calm and relaxed feeling he had been enjoying vanished. He couldn't help the tears that bubbled at his eyes and began rolling down his cheeks once again.

"it's not real anymore…" he sobbed to himself, "it's gone…"

He cried for a moment, his hand wandering to the tipped bottle off to his side with the intent to drink what was left of the Snowdin Ice Vodka bottle. He never imagined living could be so painful. Luckily, he supposed, there were ways to cope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ever jerked yourself off while you were sad?**


	5. And So He Suffered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Okay kids! We're at the midway point of the story! Only five chapters left now and I've already written chapter 6 so technically only 4 chapters left.**
> 
> **That being said, there's going to be a pretty significant gap between chapter 5 and 6 because I'm entering exams! Please! Kill me now!**
> 
> **I know I don't HAVE to talk about this, but I want to. I've only got 4 classes this semester because I'm a ball of anxiety and 5 is too much responsibility for me. That said, 3 of my 4 exams are take homes. One of my take homes is, according to students who have taken the class in the past, the equivalent of writing 3 term papers. Another should only take me two to three hours to write (bless that teacher). And the last one...I have no idea. I'm going to anticipate that it's going to be almost as bad and lengthy as the first take home. As for my in class exam, it's like 30 multiple choices? I don't understand? I'm not complaining too much because it's great but I'm in University so I'm very suspicious.**
> 
> **Anyways, long story short, next update's going to be on the 12th or 15th of December**
> 
> **ENJOY!**

Sans felt a bit despondent during the days that transpired. The sentence "this isn't real anymore" echoed at the back of his mind, souring any nice or tender moment he shared with his brother. Smiling became something of a chore; one that was gradually more straining with every repeat. Fortunately, the cold weather quickly subsided and he wasn't stuck keeping his go-lucky façade on as often as before. Monsters could return outside and continue working without fear of getting frostbite. This consequently meant that Sans could resume sneaking off to drink during his work hours. That being said, Papyrus was more on his case now than ever given that his boyfriend was temporarily absent.

Luckily, Sans hadn't been scheduled for sentry duty today. Instead, he had been given a full shift at the hot dog shack in Hotland though had elected to skip it again. In doing so, he benefited from a rare moment home alone. He loved Papyrus but sometimes he needed time to himself – to drink without the nagging fear of being discovered by the only person that really mattered.

The smaller skeleton was perusing through the refrigerator, inspecting the remaining leftovers. He had finished two bottles of Snowdin Ice Vodka roughly an hour ago and was feeling much more sober and very peckish. After moving a couple of things around, he discovered the last piece of chocolate cake Mettaton had made a little more than a week ago. It would have gone a bit stale hadn't it been for the magic used to bind the ingredients together; one of the many benefits of monster food. He eagerly took it out, wondering if the robot had deliberately hid it in the back to save it for himself. Sans shrugged the thought off and closed the refrigerator. Papyrus was meant to finish his shift soon and would surely nag him if he caught him eating before supper. He thus turned to make his way to the utensil drawer when the front door suddenly burst open, startling him so much he nearly dropped his plate.

"Papy dear! I'm home!" Mettaton called cheerfully while striking a pose. After a beat of nothing he glanced around in confusion, "Papy?" his eyes fell upon Sans and his good humour dropped. "Why aren't you at work?"

"why do you care?" Sans returned. _so much for enjoying some peace and quiet…_ he additionally thought.

"You're right. I don't." Mettaton conceded as he strolled into the kitchen. "What I do care about is whether you had a certain conversation with Papyrus." Sans frowned and squeezed his plate. "Well?" The robot pushed, "Do you know why he won't move out with me?"

"he isn't ready for the responsibility." Sans replied tensely, "it intimidates him."

"Uh…thought so." Mettaton sighed, visibly displeased with the answer, but seeming acceptant of it all the same. "It's going to be a bit tricky to convince him otherwise, but I think I'll manage now that I have something to work with."

"welp. good luck with that. i'm out of here." Sans declared and headed towards the living room. However, Mettaton moved in the way to block him.

"Not so fast!" He intervened. "There's one last thing I want to talk about."

Sans made no effort to conceal his annoyance or a sigh. He didn't like speaking with the robot for more than necessary and so he loathed when Mettaton insisted on extending the length of their interactions. He had only left his room to grab some food and he intended to eat it before Papyrus got back.

"Whether you believe me or not, I _am_ concerned with your alcoholism." Mettaton stated. Sans couldn't help but scoff and roll his eyes. He didn't understand the point in maintaining such a stupid charade. "Sans, you know that I don't like you and I know that you don't like me. But Papyrus cares for you. He loves you a lot and I don't want to imagine how heartbroken he'd be to learn about this problem."

"that's sounding an awful lot like a threat." Sans said apprehensively. "also, not an alcoholic but who cares about facts, right?"

Mettaton grimaced in disbelief, "You're kidding me." He deadpanned, "You don't honestly believe there's nothing wrong with that _sea_ of empty bottles in your room, do you?"

When he said it like that, Mettaton did have a bit of a point. "i'm fine." Sans claimed all the same.

"You're not." Mettaton refuted immediately. "You're depressed."

"you don't know anything." Sans practically hissed without meaning to sound so harsh and defensive.

"Admittedly, people find it shocking to learn that behind this pretty face is a brain." Mettaton said with a bit of arrogance, "I've seen monsters suffer from depression up close, Sans. It's easy to spot when you know what to look for."

"i said i'm fine." Sans repeated, squeezing his plate harder. Not only was Mettaton's charade stupid, but it was getting annoying; _very_ annoying.

Mettaton looked at him in silence for a long beat, visibly displeased by his incessant disagreement. "Fine." He eventually conceded, "It seems we've got two different opinions. That's fine. There's an easy solution. Let's get Papyrus to weight in and see what he thinks." Sans flinched at the prospect, panicked. It was all the reaction the robot needed to continue with his point; "See? If you knew or really believed there was nothing wrong, you wouldn't have cared."

"just leave me alone." Sans growled and attempted to walk past him.

Mettaton continued to block the way. "You can't ask that of me." He stated, "I know this isn't easy to handle, let alone _admit_ , but you won't be able to get out of this alone. You'll need someone's support and I think I know just the monster."

"what's your game here, mettaton?" Sans snapped, losing his composure.

"Believe it or not, I just want to help." Mettaton stated firmly.

"i don't believe it." Sans retorted, "it's like you said; i don't like you and you don't like me. why the hell would you remotely care about some guy you don't like?"

"I don't dislike you enough to just watch as you destroy yourself!" Mettaton barked. "You've got a serious problem and you realize it, at the very least, subconsciously! Why else would you leave those bottles all over your floor? That's clearly a silent cry for help."

"don't psychoanalyze me!" Sans snarled. "you don't know anything about me!"

"Do I need to?" Mettaton asked as though he were in the right.

"if you're going to start throwing accusations around, yes!" Sans affirmed.

"Then I know enough!" Mettaton proclaimed, "I've lived in the same house as you for a year and have been around you from the moment I started dating Papyrus. I know that you're very protective of him and that that protective feeling is probably the main reason you don't like me—"

"i find you arrogant, self-entitled, and self-absorbed." Sans interrupted with a scowl. "so of course i have my reservations in regards to you dating him; you're a terrible influence."

Mettaton seemed personally offended by the statement. He recoiled as though he had been physically slapped in the face but bounced back ferociously. " _I'm_ a terrible influence?" Mettaton repeated, affronted, "Right. Says the person who skips out on work and blows his paychecks on booze! When was the last time you had enough money to buy something like food for you and Papyrus? Could you even _pay_ for bare necessities with the money you have left?"

Now it was Sans's turn to feel like he had been slapped in the face. "so you think you can take better care of him than me, is that it?" he growled.

"No." Mettaton clarified, taking a much calmer tone. It only irritated Sans all the more. "I think you need help."

"right," Sans scoffed, "and why do you care about some drunk again?"

"Because I love Papyrus and he loves you!" Mettaton fired back, annoyed.

"just shut up with that!" Sans snapped, throwing his plate against the wall onto his left.

He hadn't meant to be so violent, but the words had set him off. The abrupt action startled the both of them, but not at much as the angered "Sans!" that followed immediately after. They glanced at the front door, finding Papyrus looking rather bewildered and upset. Sans took a step back in shock. Since when he had he returned? How hadn't he heard their creaky front door open? Panicked thoughts of the like rushed through his head the most pressing of which was—

"Papyrus…" Mettaton started cautiously. "How much did you hear…?"

"Enough." He responded quietly, averting his gaze to the ground. He remained silent for a moment, likely mulling over his thoughts. When Papyrus finished, he stared directly at Sans conveying the depths of his disappointment and hurt in one look. "Why…why didn't you tell me?" Sans didn't know what to say. "No." he added quickly before Sans had the chance to respond, shaking his head, "Never mind that, it's not important. This isn't about me." He took a step forward, "Sans, I want to support you. I want you to rely on me. I didn't want to have to learn about your problems this way, but please talk to me. Don't shut me out. I want to help."

Sans buckled beneath the weight of Papyrus's request. He could never refuse him much of anything, but this felt like something he simply couldn't give him. Papyrus, like Mettaton, could never understand what he had been through – what he was _still_ going through. He supposed he could tell them. He could explain the resets and if they didn't believe him, he could always prove it. After an eternity of living in the same time loop, Sans knew practically when anything and everything happened. What he could never tell either of them was about he and Papyrus's past relationship. Neither would understand. Both would be disgusted – or maybe just Mettaton. Regardless, Sans was dealing with enough pain as it was and didn't need something else to be added to his unfolding mess.

"i can't do this." He claimed before teleporting into his room. He locked his door and pressed his back to it for a moment to calm his nerve. Then his eyes fell upon the sea of bottles littering his room.

Papyrus stared emptily at where Sans had been. He clenched his hands into fists and dropped his shoulders. Mettaton approached him, resting a gentle hand onto his arm. For the first time since they met – since they began dating – Papyrus moved away from his touch. He felt both hurt and betrayed by Mettaton's decision not to tell him or even allude to Sans potentially having a serious problem. He had even asked him if he thought something was off about the smaller skeleton about a week ago and he had elected to lie instead of telling the truth.

"Papy…" Mettaton said, hurt by the gesture.

"Why didn't _you_ tell me?" Papyrus asked, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. "I asked you if you noticed something…"

"I…" Mettaton tried but stopped himself. In the end, he said nothing.

Papyrus supposed there was nothing to say. After all, he had chosen not to tell him about Sans. He had chosen to lie to him for no particular reason. "I trusted you." Papyrus said and that truth made the weight of the lie all the worse. "How am I supposed to keep trusting you after that?"

"Papyrus—"

"Don't." Papyrus interrupted desolately, "Just don't. Please."

He turned away from Mettaton and made his way to his room. Papyrus thought about going to Sans but he was sure his brother needed a minute to collect his emotions. Besides, it wasn't right to force him to talk about his personal struggles. He would give him some space for the time being and if he didn't engage a conversation on his own, then Papyrus would take the initiative in a heartbeat. Until then, he simply walked into his room, closed the door and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **It's funny because this chapter ended on a cliffhanger.**


	6. Silence Seemed to Make It Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'M BACK BABYYY!**
> 
> **My exams are done and I'm ready to put out more chapters! Hopefully I'll be done this story before January but, realistically, I don't think I will be :P**
> 
> **This may only be scheduled for 10 chapters but I've got other stuff to do. Aside from things in real life, I want to finish the Bath Time Fun Time series which is only missing one last story to be completed and I also have to write this other thing for a fantastic friend of mine (yes, it's going to be fontcest).**
> 
> **I've only got one more chapter prepped too which means I still haven't written 8, 9, and 10 and though I know where I'm going and how I want the story to end, I have certain doubts about the plans I made for chapter 8 and 9 which means I'll probably rework them and this will consequently delay their publication.**
> 
> **ENOUGH BLABBING! ENJOY!**

Two days passed since then and Papyrus was no longer happy. It was hard to be joyful when one's brother was suffering from addiction problems and when one's significant other had known but elected to remain quiet on the topic matter. Sans hardly left his room and, when he did to go to work or to disappear wherever, he would teleport away rather than walk. Papyrus knew he did it to avoid him. Conversely, Mettaton was acting in quite the opposite manner. He seemed to deliberately go out of his way to cross paths with Papyrus, but never said anything. The taller skeleton was admittedly at fault on that end. When it seemed like the robot wanted to talk, Papyrus would shut him down immediately with a single look. He had a hard time looking at his boyfriend the same way after such a hefty betrayal. It made him question the viability of their relationship and who Mettaton truly was. He had once thought the robot to be kind, funny, and honest if a bit evasive on things pertaining to his past. The latter was forgivable – or, rather, _used_ to be.

Papyrus laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been two days since Mettaton had last shared their bed with him. He had never realised how big it was until that very moment. It felt too big for him alone, but Papyrus wasn't sure he was ready to re-invite Mettaton into their room. The weight of the lie still pained him. He couldn't believe the other had thought it was a good idea to keep Sans's serious problem a secret. And no matter how hard he tried to view the situation from Mettaton's perspective, he couldn't see the logic to the madness.

The skeleton rolled onto his side, bringing his knees to his chest. He hardly spoke with Sans and Mettaton anymore – the two monsters he loved above all. It sucked. It made him unhappy. He supposed he could remedy part of the situation by letting Mettaton finally speak during his next attempt. On Sans's end, he would have to find him and corner him to actually have a conversation. Papyrus hugged his knees tighter as he further balled in on himself. He didn't understand why Sans was avoiding him. Had he given off the impression that he was angry? He had been disappointed at the time, naturally, but not angry – _never_ angry, just concerned. Maybe he hadn't approach the situation properly…

Papyrus's thoughts were interrupted when a gentle knock resounded against the door to his room. He pushed himself up on the bed, watching as Mettaton timidly pushed the door ajar and popped his head in. His gaze was shamefully cast to the ground, though he nervously glimpsed at Papyrus repeatedly likely to see if he was overstepping his boundaries. When the skeleton said nothing and simply waited, he took it as his cue to speak.

"Papy…" Mettaton muttered softly as he walked into the room but stopped no further than a step away from the door. "Can the silent treatment please end? I know you're angry but this is painful and not getting us anywhere. We need to talk about this."

"Okay." Papyrus conceded coldly, folding his arms tightly across his chest. He had vowed to let Mettaton speak, but it was still difficult all things considered. "Why didn't you tell me about Sans's problem?"

Mettaton pinched his metallic lips together and averted his gaze to the floor again. He shifted awkwardly in place, clenching and unclenching his hands almost anxiously. Papyrus wondered if his current demeanour indicated he was trying to think of a lie. "I…" he hesitated, "It wasn't my place to say…"

Papyrus couldn't believe he had just said that. He was so dumbfounded that he couldn't conceal it on his face. "It wasn't your place to say?" He repeated because he wasn't quite sure what to say to such ridiculousness. "Are you serious?"

"It's complicated to understand…" Mettaton continued wearily. He seemed to be trying to select his words carefully though was mostly failing. "But he needed his privacy—"

"Privacy!?" Papyrus snapped; this was getting too preposterous for him. "I would understand that _if_ he wasn't drinking himself to death in secret, but that's not the case! Do you realise how insane you sound!?"

"Papyrus, you've never dealt with someone depressed before, so—" Mettaton tried.

"Depressed?" Papyrus interrupted again, "Sans isn't depressed."

Surprisingly, Mettaton chuckled at that. "Sorry, I don't mean to laugh. It's just…" He paused, smiling bitterly now, "He told me the same thing when I confronted him about it."

"He…He's not. He's fine…" Papyrus muttered, slowly lowering his arms to his sides. Was Sans…? He had seemed off before the events of two days ago…had it been because he was depressed?

"He is." Mettaton reaffirmed, "His alcoholism is a testament to that. Why would he be drinking if not because of that? No one's an alcoholic for fun."

"I-I wasn't saying that." Papyrus stammered. He couldn't help but think back to certain times where Sans appeared off to him. Was that what a depressed monster looked like? How long had he been that way?

"Listen…" Mettaton continued, prancing to their bed and sitting on the edge. "It might be hard to wrap your head around, but he _is_ depressed. I don't want to talk about it much, but I've been around and dealt with depressed monsters before. They all act relatively the same way. They force a joke and a smile on their faces, they're always tired, they're unusually quiet but don't appear to be in the moment, and they spend a lot of time isolated."

The definition the robot had supplied did sound an awful lot like Sans. Papyrus glanced down at his hands, clenching them into fists. How hadn't he noticed? But more importantly—

"I still don't understand why you decided not to tell me." Papyrus stated. "If he's depressed, he needs help. How could you just abandon him like that?"

"I wasn't abandoning him." Mettaton maintained. "When you walked in on us fighting, we were arguing because he didn't want to admit he was depressed and had a drinking problem. I was trying to convince him to talk to someone, but he refused."

Papyrus admittedly felt a lot less angry with his boyfriend after hearing that. The doubts he had once had regarding Mettaton's true character nearly vanished instantly. He was still upset that he hadn't been told anything, but at least the other had tried to help.

"Okay…" Papyrus nodded, sucking in a deep breath.

Mettaton looked at him, concerned. "Okay…?" He repeated, worried about what the word could imply.

"I don't know that I forgive you just yet," The skeleton clarified, "But I'm not angry with you anymore." He paused before adding: "You can sleep in the bed with me tonight…if you want."

A wide smile spread on Mettaton's face. "Of course!" He exclaimed despite trying to contain his excitement, "Thank you, Papyrus…I missed you."

"I missed you too." Papyrus admitted and leaned towards him for a quick kiss. It was sweet, refreshing, and it felt wrong that he had gone for so long without.

"So what now?" Mettaton asked a bit coquettishly, "Do you have some free time?"

Papyrus smiled and shook his head, much to the robot's disappointment. "I need to go talk to Sans. He's still in his room, right?"

"As far as I'm concerned, yes." Mettaton shrugged. "I'll leave the house for a bit if you're going to confront him. I don't want to accidentally impede."

Papyrus nodded. "Thank you."

He left the room with his boyfriend, holding onto his hand until they reached the front door. Mettaton leaned in for a kiss and wished him good luck before finally leaving. With the house to he and Sans, Papyrus turned, glancing at the latter's door with slight apprehension. He was afraid of how the conversation would transpire. If Sans had thought he was angry with him before even though he hadn't been, what could he do differently now to erase that impression? Papyrus couldn't think of anything. Instead, he decided to establish goals for himself. In the coming conversation, he wanted Sans to understand he had a problem, but that he was there for him, that they would get through this together, and, most of all, that he loved him no matter what. With a shaky sigh and a determined nod, Papyrus made his way back upstairs.

The tall skeleton marched to Sans's room only faltering when he arrived at his door. Should he knock? Would Sans teleport away if he did? But not knocking was rude…Papyrus unfortunately found himself at a bit of an impasse though he refused to let it deter his plans. He shut his eyes and forced himself to just act on impulse. As it was, his body had opted to simply open the door rather than knock.

Sans's room was much different from how he had anticipated it to be. Mettaton had made mention of how it was littered with empty bottles of alcohol, but the floors were clean. In fact, the entire room was strangely clean even for his own standards. The only thing he saw that could be considered even remotely messy was the self-sustaining tornado tucked in the corner of the room. And yet, it almost seemed to have sparkling shine of cleanliness to it.

Sans sat on his mattress staring at Papyrus with wide eyes. He had been startled by his abrupt entry and almost seemed paralysed – struggling to choose between running or facing the music. Fortunately for Papyrus, his brother had chosen the latter of the two options. He didn't know what he would have done otherwise. Regardless, Sans still seemed uncomfortable and apprehensive. He wringed his hands in his lap anxiously, looking away as he forced himself to speak.

"hey pap." He muttered quietly.

"H…Hello." Papyrus stammered, off put by the tension that had fallen upon them. He slowly walked into the room, closing the door behind him. For a moment, he hesitated to walk any further. "Can we…talk?"

Sans flinched at the request. He considered it for a moment, tensely grinding his teeth together before finally nodding. "uh…yeah. okay."

Papyrus sucked in a heavy breath. He walked resolutely to Sans's mattress and took a seat. Then there was silence. Though he had decided what he wanted to convey in their conversation, Papyrus hadn't thought about how he would _start_ it. "I…" He tried, but his instincts supplied him with nothing. Rightfully so, he supposed. After all, this was a serious conversation. Papyrus had to get it right. Thus, after an additional instant of considering his words, he stretched out his hand to hold Sans's and looked him straight in the eyes as he said: "I love you." Sans blinked back, flabbergasted, with a small blush building at his cheeks for some reason, "I love you so much."

"wha…?" Sans asked, utterly confused.

Papyrus didn't understand what was so confusing about his statement. "I love you." Papyrus repeated with conviction. Now his brother seemed uneasy. "And I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry if it ever seemed otherwise. I love you too much to be angry with you."

Sans hesitantly pulled his hands out of Papyrus's grasp. He wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. "okay." he replied quietly, gaze falling to the ground.

Papyrus frowned in dissatisfaction. He reached forward guiding Sans's gaze back to his with a hand beneath his jaw. The smaller skeleton's mouth fell ajar and Papyrus was briefly distracted by the blue blush on his cheeks. "I'm serious." Papyrus stated, "You mean the world to me, Sans. I love you more than anything—"

"please…" Sans surprisingly interrupted, "please stop…"

The taller skeleton was confused by the request. "No." He decided stubbornly. "You're my brother; I love you and you will always come first in my life. Nothing is ever going to change that, I promise."

"not even mettaton?" Sans asked a bit too quickly.

"Not even Mettaton." Papyrus confirmed without missing a beat. Sans's eyes widened in astonishment, though he soon looked away with a small smile playing at his mouth while the blush on his cheeks seemed to grow. Why was he blushing? Papyrus supposed it didn't matter. Sans seemed to be happy after all. It was what he wanted. He relaxed a bit at his apparent success. "I want to be there for you." Papyrus continued onto the following matter. Sans tensed a bit, but it was expected. "I want to help you with your depression."

"i'm not—" Sans instinctively proclaimed though he cut himself short when his eyes met Papyrus's. He then shrunk in on himself looking ashamed.

"It's okay." Papyrus insisted scooting closer. He wanted to scoop Sans into a hug, but he reckoned it could wait a little. "There's nothing wrong with you having it, but we still need to solve it. And I'm not going to let you walk the path to recovery alone."

"i'll be fine, papyrus." Sans assured, but the taller skeleton wasn't convinced. "trust me."

"Sans…no one gets better like this." Papyrus insisted. "We need to get you help."

"sorry, but no one can help me with this." Sans said with a forced smile. "just trust me, pap. it's going to get better. give me five years."

"What's happening in five years?" Papyrus asked and when Sans neglected to answer, he began to get worried. His mind wandered to terrifying thoughts and his heart began to beat erratically in his chest out of fear. "Sans?"

"don't worry." He simply replied, though he seemed to know it wasn't the proper response.

"How can I not worry?" Papyrus retorted, struggling to contain his tone. He didn't want Sans to think he was getting angry, but this was getting to be too much. "That was probably the most ominous thing you could have said! What's happening in five years? What's _wrong_?"

"you wouldn't understand." Sans sighed. He rubbed his skull in frustration, "look, just forget i said anything—"

"That's not how that works, Sans!" Papyrus accidentally snapped. He paused for a brief moment to regain his composure. He wasn't supposed to get angry. It was difficult given how his brother was currently being, but it was doable. He just needed to calm down. "Why won't you confide into me?"

Sans stared at him for a long moment. He seemed torn. "i…i can't…" he eventually answered. Papyrus likely would have gotten mad if it hadn't been for his brother's expression. He seemed so… _broken_. There was so much hurt in his eyes and it rendered the taller skeleton speechless. What was making Sans suffer so much?

"You can tell me anything, Sans." Papyrus insisted. "Nothing you say or do will ever change my opinion of you. I'll always love you."

Somehow, that only seemed to hurt Sans more. Papyrus could see him steadily shutting down. It was nerve wracking given he was trying so hard to open him up. He didn't know what to say anymore. He was getting upset. He didn't understand. Why was Sans like this? Why wouldn't he let him help?

"i can't, papyrus." Sans repeated quietly. "i made a mistake…i just can't."

Papyrus was trying so hard not to get frustrated, but it was difficult. He wanted to help. He wanted Sans to feel better. He wanted Sans to be happy. Why couldn't he do that? Why wouldn't Sans let him? The taller skeleton glanced away, clenching his hands into fists on his lap. His frustration was steadily building despite his efforts to stop it. He just wanted Sans to be happy. Why was that so difficult? Why was that so impossible?

"i'm sorry." Sans said, and when Papyrus looked he had teleported away.

He stared at the empty space on the mattress where the smaller skeleton had been mere seconds ago. Finally, his frustration reached its boiling point. Papyrus's shoulders began to tremble and he lowered his head as he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Look at that! Another cliff hanger!**


	7. He Tried Burying His Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NEWEST CHAPTER! BUH-BAM!**
> 
> **I just finished writing chapter 8 :D chapter 9 will severely stray from the original plan I had in mind, but I think it will be better for it. On that note, I think chapter 9 and 10 will be shorter than most of the other chapters. I can't tell for certain for chapter 9, but I think it's a reasonable assumption for chapter 10 as it is the epilogue.**
> 
> **I don't have much else to say about this chapter. So without further ado, ENJOY!**

Sans fled. It was all he could think of doing. He appeared in the narrow alley next to Grillby's and leaned against the brick wall, sighing deeply. The small skeleton felt all kinds of horrible. He knew Papyrus only wanted to help, but he couldn't. The truth wasn't an option and would never be in this timeline no matter how much Papyrus begged him. No matter how much he begged _himself_. The moment his brother had grabbed his hands and had looked him straight in the eyes when he had said "I love you" had nearly broken Sans. His heart had practically skipped out of his chest and his mind had gone entirely blank. A part of him had thought he had somehow succeeded in wooing Papyrus in an entirely new way under unexpected circumstances. However, Sans had made the mistake of that assumption once before and wasn't about to repeat it again. After having let Papyrus babble on for an instant longer, he had realised he had been expressing nothing more than his concerns for Sans's wellbeing.

The small skeleton felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He balled his hands into fists tightly to keep from reaching in and tearing it to pieces. In the moment, it seemed like the only thing that could make the pain go away. Sans focused on trying to calm down instead; repeating exercises Papyrus had helped him learn in past timelines. But the more he took deep breaths and counted slowly in his head, the sadder he got. Soon, he found himself sliding down the wall and onto the snow with his hands covering his face as he sobbed heavily. He hated this. He hated himself.

What was most painful about what had so recently taken place was how much it had initially felt like the first time Papyrus had fallen for him. He had spoken with such conviction and sincerity, looking Sans in the eyes to make sure he understood nothing he was saying was to be taken lightly. But none of it was real – or, rather, none of it was what Sans wanted it to be. It was just brotherly concern, nothing more, and that killed him. It made the pain in his heart swell with intensity. No words could express how much he regretted everything that had brought him to this very moment. Sans had no idea how he was going to survive five more years of Hell. He couldn't even fathom how he would find the courage to return home.

Everything was horrible and was spiralling out of control. Sans wanted to blame Mettaton for everything that had transpired but he begrudgingly realised none of it was his fault. In the end, he himself was to blame for having introduced Papyrus to the robot. He had fully known just how much his brother admired the superstar, he just didn't know that said admiration could turn into romantic love. Perhaps he should have expected it. Perhaps he also should have expected that Mettaton would fall in love in return. Papyrus was more than great; he was lovable, kind, generous, loyal, and funny. Papyrus was the product of everything good in the world – or so it felt like to Sans. He was his only reason to continue living and maybe that was why it hurt so much to have lost him. Whatever it was, one thing was for certain: he would never make the same mistake again.

And though his next move was uncertain, Sans elected not to think about it for the moment. He didn't know what he was going to do when he returned home. He didn't know how he was going to continue coping with Papyrus being happy with someone else. He didn't know how to get both Papyrus and Mettaton off his back. He likely never would. The problem would probably solve itself through a long series of trial and errors. For the moment, he decided to continue crying in a vain attempt to get all the sadness out of his system. Surely he would eventually feel better. But no sooner had he made the decision did Grillby's backdoor swing open and the flame monster himself walk out of it with a pack of cigarettes in hand. He caught sight of Sans almost instantly.

"Sans…?" He asked, slightly confused, "What are you…what's wrong?"

Sans clumsily got to his feet. He hadn't expected Grillby to come out the side door for a smoke. "u-uh nothing…" he stammered nervously, his voice hoarse and choked from his sobbing. He tried wiping the tears away as though to conceal how he had been crying. "i…i'll just…g—"

Grillby caught him by the arm before he could walk or teleport away. "Come inside." He offered instead, "I'll vacate the pub for privacy."

"oh…no…you don't have to…" Sans mumbled awkwardly.

"It's no bother, Sans." Grillby assured. "If it was, I wouldn't have offered the option."

After a brief moment of deliberation, Sans accepted with a short nod. He followed Grillby back inside and waited in the kitchen as he cleared out the remaining patrons. The small skeleton heard muffled complaints through the door, but it seemed everyone ended up leaving with a laugh. He waited a beat before walking into the pub and found Grillby shutting off the neon sign before closing the curtains.

"Have a seat at the bar." Grillby instructed. "I'll be with you in just a moment."

Sans nodded and took his usual seat. He felt wrong and uncomfortable. A nagging thought insisted he really shouldn't have made Grillby close his pub for the night as it was his sole source of income. And yet, after catching sight of the many bottles of alcohol lined against the wall, he told himself he would get over the guilt. He really could go for a drink at the moment and Grillby would surely supply. He always did. Additionally, he supposed, in the long run nothing mattered.

Grillby returned from the front of the pub and circled his way behind the bartender's station. He stopped in front of where Sans sat. When he didn't said anything, Grillby took the initiative to ask: "Do you want a drink?"

"sure." Sans shrugged quietly.

The flame monster nodded and turned around. He grabbed a bottle of fire whisky and two glasses in which he poured the amber liquid for he and Sans. Sans watched him closely and tried not to seem desperate when he snatched his glass. They each took sips silently and Sans found Grillby's presence was comforting. He drank slowly, contrary to what he would have otherwise done had he been alone, and eventually relaxed.

"Don't want to talk about it?" Grillby assumed more than asked.

"yeah." Sans confirmed.

"Want another one?" He asked, gesturing the skeleton's empty glass.

"thanks." Sans responded.

With a brief nod, Grillby poured him another glass of fire whisky and filled his own. The skeleton swished the liquid in his glass, watching it move absently. He thought back on how Mettaton had called him an alcoholic and how Papyrus seemed to agree with the accusations his boyfriend had thrown around. Perhaps he shouldn't have accepted the refill, but seeing as it had already happened…Sans downed the whisky in a huge gulp. He shivered a bit as he felt the burning sensation of the liquid slide down his throat and dissipate as it was absorbed into his body. He didn't want to think about them. He wanted to take a break from his problems.

And just then a horrible idea came to Sans's mind. He knew it was terrible and yet he still considered it seriously. Maybe it was because of the alcohol. He _was_ starting to feel a little dizzy. The skeleton looked Grillby over and assessed his posture. The flame monster was leaning against the counter, holding his glass of whisky from the top with the tip of his fingers. His head was tilted downwards to keep an eye on his drink though he repeatedly looked over the rim of his glasses to glance at Sans and offer him the shiest of smiles. Grillby usually liked him romantically and that hadn't seemed to change in this timeline. Sans squeezed his glass. He remembered a time before Papyrus fell in love with him, when he would exploit Grillby's feelings for comfort every now and again. He mostly did it after particularly devastating genocide routes wherein the human child had opted to murder Papyrus countless times before moving on.

But this wouldn't be done under the same circumstances. A lot had changed since the last time he had coveted any physical affection from Grillby. Sans was sworn to Papyrus even if he had chosen another in the current timeline. To indulge in a bout of sexual pleasure with another would be betrayal and wouldn't do anything substantial…except, maybe, forget his pain for a little while…

"Need another?" Grillby offered.

In the end, was Papyrus not betraying Sans?

"yes." Sans responded. He pushed himself from his seat and gripped Grillby by the tie, pulling his face to his for a kiss.

Grillby was initially startled but when he realised what was happening, he returned the displayed affection. His warm hands found their way on either side of Sans's head as he deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue into the skeleton's mouth. He too seemed a bit desperate in his actions and it only encouraged Sans to truly give up to his desires. He shut his eyes and focused on the sensation. Though he had planned to not think about Papyrus for a change, he couldn't help but imagine that very skeleton as the one kissing him. Grillby and Papyrus were nothing alike but it was easy to pretend when he couldn't see him.

They pulled away after a very long moment. Sans hadn't realised quite how long until he noticed he was out of breath. "Sans…" Grillby started slowly, "W…what was—"

But Sans didn't let him finish. He kissed him again, climbing partially on the counter to get closer to the flame monster. "fuck me." Sans demanded when they briefly broke apart and that was all it took for Grillby to comply.

Grillby grabbed him by the hips and slid him over to his side of the bar. Sans opened his legs to allow the other to move in between as they continued to kiss. Grillby rolled his hips into Sans's, creating a delicious friction. Everything around them started to feel hot and so naturally they began to strip. Sans slid off his hoody and helped Grillby unbutton his vest and dress shirt. The small skeleton then raised his arms for the flame monster to pull off his t shirt. With his ribs now exposed, Grillby started to tease at them. He happened upon the most sensitive one and fondled it with his searing touch, earning a surprised moan from Sans. He wasn't quite sure why he was so startled. In past timelines, during every single one of their 'first' times, Grillby always found his most sensitive spot no matter the circumstance and location.

"don't tease me anymore." Sans pleaded and reached to unbutton the other's pants as a sort of silent indication of what he wanted.

Grillby nodded vigorously, fiddling with the button and zipper before finally being able to slide the garment off. His cock sprang out and Sans had to admit to himself that he was slightly daunted by the size. He didn't quite remember it being as big and as thick as it was. It was almost surreal, but he still wanted it. He wanted to forget. Or maybe he just wanted to play pretend. Thus, without wasting an additional second, Sans lifted his hips and slipped off his shorts. He forced himself to conjure an ecto vagina to be penetrated – vaguely remembering it was what Grillby liked to fuck the most in past timelines when they were together.

"Do you need to be stretched or…?" Grillby asked clumsily.

"no. it's magic." Sans informed as he switched his position to be facing back to Grillby while he leaned on the bar with his forearms. "it's already stretchy."

"Okay." Grillby nodded. He approached Sans, gently resting his hands on his hips as he poked the tip of his cock at his entrance. "Here I go…"

Sans winced a bit at the discomfort he felt when his ecto vagina was being stretched more than he was used to. However, Grillby was gentle and decided to go about inserting himself gradually even if he didn't have to. He gave calculated and gentle thrusts, never pushing in more than he thought Sans could take. It was a considerable thought but it made the skeleton think of Papyrus. Papyrus was usually gentle with him during their 'first' times – it really depended under the circumstances. Sometimes they fucked after Papyrus got riled up at one of Mettaton's concerts or after a particularly rigorous date. Whenever those were the cases, Papyrus was usually too lost in the pleasure to be as mindful as he otherwise would have been.

Sans closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the smooth surface of the bar. He moaned with every thrust Grillby gave, getting a bit louder every time he went a little deeper. Slowly but surely, he became accustomed to the abnormal heat that radiated from Grillby and, when he did, it was much easier to pretend he was being fucked by Papyrus. He shut his eyes and focused on bygone memories. He remembered the way Papyrus would grunt and cant his hips into him, what he would say between bated breaths and moans. Sans quickly lost himself in the fantasy.

Before he knew it, the sex had gotten rougher. Sans was moving in time with the thrusts and Grillby was no longer shy or weary about potentially harming him despite having been notified he wouldn't. Pleasure swelled inside Sans, filling his bones and shaking his very core. It all felt so good and the fantasy he had created for himself seemed gradually more real. His climax was approaching and he clawed at the wooden bar top as he cried out louder and louder, nearly spilling Papyrus's name. Several thrusts later, Sans was shaken by his orgasm and Grillby came inside him not long after. His cum was surprisingly hot but it wasn't painful.

"Ah, shit. I'm sorry." Grillby apologised immediately and pulled out, "I should have…I should have asked you before I—" he looked around, nervously searching for something, "I'm sure I have something to clean you with around here…"

It was as he watched Grillby search for a disposable towel or something of the like that the weight of Sans's mistake came crashing down on his shoulders. Grillby likely thought there had been meaning to what had just transpired. He probably assumed his secret feelings were returned. Once Sans would clean himself, he would likely want to talk about what this meant in regards to their relationship. To anyone else, maybe there was no harm in pursuing a superficial relationship with the flame monster but the matter of the fact was that Sans didn't love him. He loved Papyrus. In a past timeline, he was _with_ Papyrus. Not to mention that Grillby was still his friend.

And suddenly, Sans felt worst. In his mind, things had never really ended between he and Papyrus – another thing that likely made witnessing Papyrus's relationship with Mettaton all the more painful – and so what he had done was cheat. Sans had cheated on Papyrus and had undoubtedly hurt Grillby in the process. His heart throbbed painfully at the thought. In the end, what he had done with Grillby to forget had only made things worst. He had been weak, he had been drunk, and he had been stupid. So Sans teleported away when Grillby had his back turned instead of facing his mistake. It seemed he had a bad habit of running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sans just keeps on fucking up. I bet he could really use a reset right about now.**


	8. It Was Only A Matter of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I know I said I didn't think I would finish this story before the New Year, but I guess I severely underestimated myself :) I actually finished the last chapter today. All I need to do is beta it and it'll be ready to go.**
> 
> **I'm actually relieved that it's ending haha Chapter 9 and 10 aren't even as short as I thought they would be. My chapters are a minimum of 2000 words (generally) and they're both just under that number. I think Chapter 9 has around 1800 words (almost 1900) and Chapter 10, which I have yet to beta, so far has end 1900 words (will probably be 2000).**
> 
> **I'm very happy with the end product too so that's great! But I don't think a lot of you will enjoy it. So for the sake of a sort of warning: this story was never meant to be happy if you haven't already caught on.**
> 
> **For now, ENJOY!**

Sans woke up with a heavy groan. His bones ached from the awkward position he had slept in. Sleeping on stacks of hot dog buns was only so comfortable – especially after the third night in a row. He rolled onto his stomach and hugged a couple of bags that had served as his pillow, snuggling his face into them. Then he sighed heavily. The pantry was dark and eerie but pleasantly warm and comfortable enough to sleep in. Sans was lucky that the owner hardly ever left New Home to check on his business in Hotland. It allowed him the luxury to hide away when returning home didn't feel like an option. That being said, spending three days in a dark pantry hadn't been his top choice of runaway homes, but it was the only one he had left after spoiling things with Grillby.

Thinking of the flame monster served to dampen Sans's mood even more. He rolled onto his side and stared at the wall desolately. It seemed that all he could do in this timeline was make mistakes. First he screwed things up with Papyrus, next he tortured himself with his mistake, and now he had hurt and alienated his only true friend. Grillby was a good guy, he deserved so many great things – he deserved to be genuinely loved and not used in the way Sans had used him. Sure the skeleton had been drunk at the time, but that was hardly an excuse. He hadn't been inebriated enough to not know what he was doing and why he was doing it – even if he had, it still wouldn't justify his actions.

Sans sighed deeply and considered his position. He probably deserved to be living in the pantry of the hotdog shack in Hotland after all the things he had done. It seemed like a just punishment for consistently drinking himself into a stupor, and hurting Papyrus and Grillby. But he couldn't stay there forever. Sooner or later, the owner would swing by Hotland to collect the money Sans had been supposed to be making by selling his famous "dogs" and would be met with a feeble profit. Discovering the small skeleton sleeping on the stored food would also anger him as it was undoubtedly far from sanitary when the amount of time he had spent there without a proper shower was taken into consideration and was likely a health code violation. Though, in Sans's opinion, it wasn't too much of a big deal because the buns were bagged. Regardless, the owner certainly wouldn't see it that way.

Besides, and Sans felt heavy at the prospect, he couldn't run away forever – no matter how much he wanted to. It was certainly easier to flee his problems, but it was no way to fix them. And yet, confronting his mistakes was made all the more difficult because of the presence of resets. Knowing that all of this, the good, the bad, and the ugly, would one day be erased made acting feel so pointless. Perhaps, in the moment the action would matter, but in the long run Sans couldn't help but wonder if it was really significant. If Grillby was going to forget how he had used him in a moment of grief, if Papyrus and Mettaton were going to forget about his depression, if Sans's own alcoholism was destined to be erased; what was the point in confronting the issue? He supposed it would be a different matter if the human controlling the resets finally decided to end it all, but that wasn't going to happen. They had consistently committed the genocide of the entire Monster race, even revealing that the motivation behind their unyielding mass murder streaks was the pain it brought Sans.

And yet, Sans couldn't stay locked away in the hot dog shack's pantry for the five remaining years it would take for the human to fall down again which meant that he had to confront his mistakes. The skeleton reluctantly pushed himself up and slid off the buns that had been serving as his bed during the past depressing three days. They were a bit flattened and deformed by the weight they had been subjected to, but they could still be sold. Sans, ever the creative individual, was sure he could think of some marketing ploy to dissuade any apprehension customers may have in regards to buying the 'dogs. Then he teleported home.

Sans arrived in his room and fortunately found it empty. Much to his surprise, it was cleaner than he had left it as though Papyrus had gotten to it. Even more suspicious was that his bed had been used if the tossed blankets were anything to go by. Sans decided not to think too much on what that could imply, but his heart gave a painful tug all the same. He quickly stripped himself from his clothes, tossing them into a heap near his self-sustaining tornado, and pulled on clean clothes. He considered taking a shower, but he wasn't sure he was alone and so hesitated to leave the protection of his room.

Nevertheless, the skeleton did wander to the door and pressed his head against it in an effort to hear anything from the other side. He held his breath and listened intently, quickly picking up on Papyrus and Mettaton's low voices. They weren't trying to be quiet, but they were talking in the kitchen which made understanding their conversation nearly impossible. That was, until Papyrus started shouting.

"Was that really your plan the whole time!?" He snapped and Sans jerked back from the door in surprise. His brother hardly ever raised his voice.

Mettaton replied something probably along the effects of "please calm down", but Sans couldn't hear him properly.

"No I'm not going to calm down!" Papyrus yelled, "Why would I? You literally lied to me!"

"I didn't lie." Mettaton defended. His voice was still quieter than Papyrus's but he was now speaking loud enough for Sans to be able to hear him.

"Are you kidding me!?" Papyrus scoffed in indignation, "You _pretended_ to care about my brother to convince me to move out with you!"

"There was never any pretending, Papyrus!" Mettaton now snapped, "I _never_ cared about Sans! That being said, I didn't hate him nor dislike him enough to just watch him suffer without doing anything!"

"You're right, you just want to leave!" Papyrus accused, "You want to abandon him and move somewhere where you don't have to see him! So if he ever did something terrible to himself, you could dodge the responsibility! Well guess what, Mettaton? That's not how that works!"

"He's _toxic_ , Papyrus!" Mettaton shouted, "He's self-destructive and he doesn't _want_ to get better!"

"That's not true!" Papyrus protested.

"Why else has he been absent for three days without a word of life!?" Mettaton argued, "When I first confronted him, he shrugged me off! When I did it again, he got angry! When _you_ did it, he just ran away! He doesn't _want_ to get better so there's _no_ helping him!" A tense silence washed over the entire house with that last point. Sans felt it all the way into his room. His heart was beating erratically in his chest and guilt was crawling through his bones. "I used to be in a bad situation," Mettaton continued calmer, but still loudly. "someone I cared about, my family, was depressed but tried nothing to get better. They just let themselves waste away and made me stay with them. They used guilt to keep me by their side and they made me put my life and dreams on hold for them. At first, I didn't mind because I loved them. They were my world. I thought I could help and once they were better, we could move on to better things together. But that was never going to happen. Tell me, Papyrus, do you think I should have stopped living for them? Do you think I should have kept being miserable for them?"

Sans pressed his forehead against the door and sighed deeply. Mettaton had dished out some pretty heavy information about himself. He wouldn't be surprised if Papyrus decided to stop defending him now. He wouldn't blame him either. How could he? Mettaton was right – one oughtn't stop living just because someone they care about refuses to get better.

"Sans needs help." Mettaton reaffirmed in a much quieter tone, though the silence hanging over the house still made him very easy to hear. "But you can't offer him the help he needs nor can you force him to seek it out. You can't force him to heal and if you decide to put your life on hold for him, you'll become as miserable as I was."

"What else am I supposed to do?" Papyrus asked, defeated. His voice sounded choked and Sans wondered if he was crying.

"Leave with me." Mettaton requested. "Maybe your absence will make him realised he can't go on like this forever. Maybe it'll motivate him to get better. Leave with me, please. I love you."

Sans waited with bated breaths to hear his brother's response. He could almost hear the "okay" Papyrus would surely voice in a few seconds. The very thought had him shut his eyes and brace for the pain. Papyrus was going to leave him. That too, he supposed, was a fitting punishment for his mistakes.

" _Get out_." Papyrus said instead.

Then there was another drawn out pause. Sans was certain he had misheard.

"W…what?" Mettaton asked, equally confused.

"Get out." Papyrus repeated a bit more aggressively. "Get out of my house."

"…Papyr—"

" _Leave!_ " He now yelled, "No one's making you stay! You've been going on and on about how it was better to leave any way so just _go_! Get out!"

Sans listened to Mettaton leave without another word. He slammed the door shut with such anger, he flinched. Shortly after, he could hear Papyrus start to sob. The small skeleton remained numbly at his door trying to make sense of what had just happened. His brother had chosen him over Mettaton. The prospect had butterflies churning in his stomach area, but also guilt. His brother had chosen him not only over but also at the expense of Mettaton. What little happiness and smugness he felt from that was quickly muffled by Papyrus's tears. In the end, how could he be happy when his brother, the love of his life, was crying? It pained Sans to listen to the other's weeps. This timeline may have been wrong and uncalled for, but Papyrus didn't deserve to cry – to be sad. Papyrus deserved so much better.

Without thinking much about his actions, Sans pushed his door open and dragged himself downstairs. He had to be there for Papyrus; he needed to comfort him, his own anxieties be damned. Papyrus would always be his priority. Sans quietly made his way to the kitchen, finding his brother seated at their table with his face buried in his hands. Tears dripped down his gloves and forearms, pooling onto the wooden surface.

"…papyrus…?" Sans hesitated.

Papyrus jolted back agitatedly, shocked to find Sans. "…Sans?" he mumbled incredulously, "y…you're back…"

Sans forced a fake smile. Papyrus didn't buy it. "i…i, um, overheard your fight." He clumsily said, "not all of it, just…the important bits."

Papyrus's astonished expression slowly fell. "No." He decidedly stated.

"i want to help—"

"You don't get to do that!" Papyrus sobbed as more tears streamed down his face. "You don't get to be there for me when you won't let me be there for you!"

Sans supposed he was right. It did seem unfair. "pap…my situation is more complicated—"

"Sans, just stop it!" Papyrus shouted, "There are no loop holes or exceptions! If you won't let me be there for you, you can't be here for me! So if you came down here to try to comfort me, just leave! I don't want it!"

Sans staggered back as though he had been hit. "i'm not leaving you." He insisted, but it felt wrong to do so.

"Why do you do this to me, Sans?" Papyrus cried, "You make me feel so insignificant – so _pointless_ when you tell me no. What did I ever do to betray your trust?"

Sans glanced at his feet. He couldn't keep looking at Papyrus with all the guilt pulsing through his bones. "you never betrayed it, pap…" Sans uttered quietly, his voice strained by grief and remorse. "it's just…complicated."

"That's all you say! It's complicated – _how_ is it complicated?" Papyrus demanded.

The onus on Sans's shoulders was starting to get unbearable. He didn't think it was really there but, in this moment, its presence was undeniable. Everything that had lead up to this was his fault. He had stirred the events in the direction they had taken albeit unconsciously and now he was breaking beneath the guilt. If only he hadn't introduced Papyrus to Mettaton when he did. If only he stuck to the way he knew to win Papyrus's love rather than look for a new path for the fun of it. It didn't matter that all of this would be erased, it still hurt – the guilt was still drowning him.

"i…i'm sorry…" Sans stammered as tears welled in his eyes.

Papyrus stared at him for a moment before breaking down again. "I'm so horrible…" he sobbed, lowering his head in shame. "I'm so selfish…"

"p-pap no…!" Sans gasped and moved closer. He stopped himself before he hugged Papyrus as he had mindlessly intended to do. He didn't feel like he had the right.

However, Papyrus closed the gap for him. He pulled him into a tight embrace, burying his teary face in the crook of his neck. "I-I should be better than this." He snivelled, "You shouldn't be apologising to me, I should be apologising to you! I'm making this about me when it's about you…I'm sorry, Sans."

Sans hesitantly hugged back. He weaved his fingers into the fabric of Papyrus's scarf, clutching at it tightly, and hid his face in his shoulder as he gave in to the crushing guilt and cried. There could have been no way to know how horribly wrong this timeline could have gone even before the human descended, but it still felt like Sans's fault. It still _was_ his fault. Perhaps, now was the time to stop running away from everything.

"it…it _is_ about you, pap." Sans mumbled.

What more harm could it do?

"Wh…what are you talking about?" Papyrus asked, pulling away.

Sans hesitantly pulled back as well and, after an extended period of nothing, he leaned in and kissed Papyrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I originally gave nagisaheichou (tumblr) the task of deciding when I should post this chapter. She told me to do it on Friday but I decided to go with my 60 like/1 day wait period instead haha.**
> 
> **Also, Mettaton stresses a very important thing in this chapter. He's absolutely right when he says that you shouldn't give up your life for someone who doesn't want to get better and who anchors you back through guilt. This isn't to say you shouldn't try to help them. Instead, you should do your best but also accept that, sometimes, you're not the right person to help. Most of you aren't psychiatrists and most of you aren't studying in the field of psychology. As such, most of you aren't equipped to handle someone who's depressed or struggling with mental illness and refuses to get better. Admitting you lack knowledge in that department isn't a sign of weakness or shameful, it's the first step to getting on the right track. You can't always handle every situation that comes your way because no forum or tumblr post or Google search can teach you the etiquette and process of dealing properly with someone suffering from mental illness. Because of this, you should instead work hard to convince them to see a professional (and forming a convincing argument for this endeavour IS something you can do through online research).**
> 
> **And if all fails, no matter how hard it is, you have to learn to let that person go. You shouldn't stay with someone at your own expense. You shouldn't stay with someone because you feel obligated to. You shouldn't stay with someone because you would feel guilty if you left because they're making you feel like garbage when you think about leaving. You shouldn't stay with someone who makes you feel miserable and keeps you from living your life. It's difficult, but you have to break away if you're going to be happy. By doing so, you're not abandoning that person nor running away from responsibility, you're prioritizing yourself as you should.**
> 
> **With that little rant over, for those curious, Mettaton was referring to Napstablook in his little speech. This is in no way canon, it's just for the sake of this story Mettaton has dealt with two kinds of depressed people: one that refused to get better (Napstablook) and one that did (Alphys).**


	9. Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Alright, turns out luck with electronics is not my thing. I was going to update this chapter yesterday when, out of the blue, my computer fucked up on me. Luckily enough, I managed to send out the two remaining chapters (chapter 10 is still not beta'd) elsewhere so I could still do things with them despite my computer being out of commission...AGAIN.**
> 
> **This time, the problem is more minor: the ventilation system of my laptop is deficient and needs to be replaced. It's annoying but easily fixed. That being said, the part is due to come between Jan 5th and 13th which is really not fucking cool at all. At least I can finish this story but I'm worried about University...**
> 
> **Anyways, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I'm pretty practical so I'll figure something out. For now: ENJOY!**

Sans wasn't sure what he expected when he kissed Papyrus, but the action was liberating. The torturous weight of the secret he had been keeping to himself floated off his shoulders. He was free from his onus. When he pulled away, a flurry of romantic ideas crossed his mind. Maybe this was all he had needed to do to win Papyrus's heart in this timeline. Maybe their kiss would magically spark the memories of bygone timelines – though ridiculous, it was not _so_ impossible given how unpredictable things in the Underground usually were. His heart fluttered at the idea that henceforth they could continue being in love.

But then he looked at Papyrus.

The taller skeleton was blushing while bearing a shocked expression. Sans supposed it was natural as the other had absolutely no idea how he had felt until that very moment, but the longer time passed and Papyrus failed to react, the more the weight of what he had done began to sink in. He had kissed Papyrus. He had freed himself from what had been his source of misery, but at what cost? The answer became clear when his brother's expression began to shift. Papyrus went from shock to confusion to discomfort. He quickly couldn't meet Sans's eyes anymore and he sort of closed in on himself – hugging his arms to his chest and drawing his knees up ever so slightly.

Sans's heart gave a painful throb.

Why did he think things would work out in his favour? Nothing indicated that they would. He had no reason to believe Papyrus would suddenly return his affection with a single kiss. Why did he think that? He _knew_ Papyrus was in love with Mettaton despite their recent fight. He _knew_ from past timelines that Papyrus perceived their relationship as unnatural. He _knew_ it always took a long time to get Papyrus to fall in love with him. He _knew_ that first and foremost, Papyrus saw Sans as nothing more than his brother. He knew all those things and yet he had still kissed him and for what? Sans didn't even know what he was hoping to accomplish, but, whatever it was, it had undoubtedly failed.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't confront _this_ mistake. Sans backed away, afraid. All of his fears seemed to be manifesting themselves before his eyes. Papyrus knew how he felt. Papyrus didn't reciprocate his feelings. Papyrus looked at him with disgust. Papyrus would cut ties with him. Papyrus would shun him. Papyrus would leave him all alone. Why had he kissed him? Why would he have so thoughtlessly done that even in a moment of resignation? The five years Sans had left were already going to be Hell but now they would be so much worse.

"i-i'm so sorry—" Sans stammered and turned away.

"Wait—" Papyrus shouted and lunged forward. He grabbed his wrist before he could teleport elsewhere.

"please let me go—" Sans begged, desperately trying to free himself from his brother's grasp. He couldn't do it. He couldn't confront _this_ mistake.

"No, Sans!" Papyrus refused and forcefully pulled him into a hug in spite of his flailing. "You can't keep doing this! You can't keep running away!"

"i-i can't!" Sans tried to rationalise. He needed to get away. "just let me go! i'm sorry! i-i know i disgust you! i'm gross! i shouldn't have done that! i'm so sorry!"

"Sans! Just stop and let me speak!" Papyrus demanded.

However, the smaller skeleton continued to squirm. He didn't want to hear what Papyrus had to say because he already knew what he was going to say. It would be something to the effect of his love being unreciprocated, having been taken off guard by the kiss, and telling him he's nothing more than his brother. Sans would thus be confronted by a blatant rejection and he wasn't sure he could cope. Avoiding what he never wanted Papyrus to ever tell him allowed him to live in denial. It was very similar to Schrödinger's analogy: so long as his brother said nothing to him on the matter concerning his love, it was both reciprocated and unreciprocated. This meant he could choose what he wanted to believe. But the moment he opened the box and learned the truth, the option he wanted to be true would collapse on itself and the other would become reality. As unhealthy as it was, Sans could live with fantasy – at least, for the five remaining years.

"Sans!" Papyrus shouted and, for some reason, his tone actually got him to stop.

"…please don't tell me, papyrus." Sans begged, but he was resigned to what would inevitably transpire. This was just one more painful thing going terribly wrong for him in this cursed timeline. "i already know…"

Papyrus looked both puzzled and hurt. "If you already know, then what's the point of avoiding it?" he asked.

But Sans couldn't tell him it allowed him to pretend. Instead he turned his gaze to his own feet and reluctantly waited for Papyrus to continue.

"We need to talk about this." Papyrus stated. " _I_ need to talk about this."

"…okay." Sans complied. He balled his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

"I love you." Papyrus stated, searching for his gaze. Sans reluctantly met it halfway. "But as nothing more than a brother." Sans's heart squeezed painfully. "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression that my feelings went beyond familial."

Sans didn't want to face this. He wanted to leave and hide from the world – from the truth. But Papyrus wouldn't let him. He would be subjected to reality no matter his personal wishes. He couldn't tell whether that was for the better or not. For the moment, he didn't know what to say.

"You don't disgust me." Papyrus continued after a long pause. "I don't think you're gross and I never will…well, the usual state of your room aside."

The joke drew a half-hearted smile and scoff from Sans. Papyrus was trying so hard to make this easier on him. It wasn't working.

"I may not understand your feelings," Papyrus added with a gentle smile, "but it doesn't really matter. You feel what you feel and, hopefully, we can work together to help you move on."

The smile on Sans's face persisted despite the pit that had suddenly materialised in his stomach area. "yeah."

"I don't want you to worry, Sans." Papyrus insisted, "I'm going to do my best to make sure our relationship doesn't change. But you also have to work for that same end."

Sans wondered if he could really do it. He wondered if he could allow himself to let go of his feelings for Papyrus for the remainder of this timeline. It would certainly be difficult, but the taller skeleton was so great and cool and kind. If anyone could help Sans, it was undoubtedly him. But did he even want to be helped? If given the chance, would he choose to spend five years in solitude waiting for the reset or would he maintain a charade that broke his heart?

"i love you." Sans said with a heavy smile, "and you love me…just not in the way that I would like." Papyrus's expression slowly fell, "maybe…maybe you should move out with mettaton. it would be better for the both of us."

"Sans—"

"he was right, you know." Sans mumbled, pulling out of Papyrus's grip. "i don't want to get better."

"I don't believe that." Papyrus stated with new tears welling in his eyes.

Sans wasn't surprised by his response. Papyrus believed in people to a fault – it was what continuously got him killed when the human descended into the Underground. And though the taller skeleton stood a much better chance to reach into Sans and change him maybe for the better, the latter wouldn't let him. The pain he felt whenever Papyrus chose another over him, whenever he chose Mettaton, was all he had as a concrete memory of what _they_ had in past timelines. Sans wasn't sure he could nor wanted to let that go.

"you also didn't believe mettaton and i didn't get along until recently." Sans pointed out. "you don't see what you don't want to see, pap. and i don't blame you. i'm the same way."

"No." Papyrus refused, shaking his head as he started to cry again. "I don't want to lose you."

"i'll always be yours, pap." Sans smiled sadly, "even when you're not mine."

"Sans, please—"

"you should go, papyrus." Sans insisted, taking another step back. "find mettaton and make up with him. then call me to give me your new address and i'll send your things."

"Sans, I _just_ kicked Mettaton out of _our_ home! I have nowhere _to_ go!" Papyrus snapped through his tears.

"undyne will take you in." Sans said.

"So you want me gone? You want me out of your life, is that it?" Papyrus cried, "Do I matter so little to you?"

"you're the only thing that has ever and will ever matter to me." Sans answered. "but this is for the best for the both of us. you need to go."

Papyrus lowered his head in defeat. He continued to sob and as much as it pained Sans, he did nothing to comfort him. He couldn't stop loving Papyrus and yet Papyrus couldn't love him in return. If he allowed him to stay, things would deteriorate as they had for Mettaton and his own family member. Papyrus deserved all the happiness in the world and he wouldn't get that here. He needed to go for himself but also because Sans wouldn't be able to pretend he no longer loved him. It was simply better to be apart for the remainder of this timeline – no matter how much it hurt.

Eventually, the taller skeleton lifted himself from the kitchen table and trudged towards the front door limply. Sans watched him go painfully, trailing a cautious distance behind. Apparently, things _could_ get worse in this already horrible timeline. The mistake of having kissed Papyrus was a testament to that. The taller skeleton opened the door and walked out looking at a loss as he stepped onto the snow. He paused before beginning to make his way to Undyne's house, presumably, on foot. Sans reached the door and watched him for an additional moment, his heart throbbing ever so agonizingly.

"papyrus." Sans called, stopping his brother. The skeleton looked back hopefully. "please…don't ever bring mettaton to that place in waterfall. you know the one i'm talking about."

"Sans…" Papyrus mumbled and wiped the tears falling down his face with his glove subsequently revealing his confusion. "That…that doesn't mean anything to me."

Sans smirked at the unexpected response. "goodbye, papyrus." He said and slowly closed the door, glancing away before he could see his brother's broken expression.

The moment the door shut, Sans crumbled onto the floor and sobbed. Apparently Papyrus hadn't yet discovered that special place in Waterfall yet – an area located far away from any already established road where mysterious lights danced and twinkled beautifully when the Underground lighting system was shut off for the night. Normally, by this point, he had found the lieu in question. The fact that he hadn't could only mean that this was another unfortunate alteration that had taken place in this timeline and, for some reason, it broke Sans's heart all the more. Even the fact this meant the hidden gem would always be theirs and would remain untainted by the unwelcomed presence of another did little to console him.

And so Sans cried and cried as he finally found himself alone like he had feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Next chapter is an epilogue chapter :D Papyrus and Sans are having a really shitty day lol**


	10. It All Went Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I actually had all of these notes typed out on my computer but since I can't use it, I'm going to have to rewrite everything.**
> 
> **So let's start with this: Thanks so much for everyone who read and commented on this story! I was surprised with the amount of support I got for it and it was truly a pleasure to write this!**
> 
> **Now I'm only saying this now but Lost and Not Forgotten is the kind of but not really sequel to For An Everlasting Smile. The reason I didn't say so before was because I didn't want anyone to be dissuaded in reading this story because they thought they had to read something else first. Doing so isn't necessary and there are only a few call backs or hints to For An Everlasting Smile that don't take away from the story if you haven't read the other before.**
> 
> **Some one asked me a question regarding to Papyrus falling in love with Sans in the "normal" timeline. I neglected to give an answer until now. In the "normal" time line, Papyrus not only doesn't fall in love with Mettaton, but he also doesn't fall in love with Sans. The "normal" timeline is considered to be the one in the actual Undertale game. So the fact that Papyrus didn't fall in love with Sans was for lack of changes to the original timeline. He hadn't done enough to get Papyrus to love him when he made the mistake of prematurely introducing him to Mettaton.**
> 
> **Speaking of, Papyrus didn't have a lot of time as a narrative POV and there's a specific reason to that. This was primarily a Sans story and Papyrus's POV was to remind everyone that he doesn't remember shit from the bygone timelines Sans clings to. If you've noticed, there are no moments where Papyrus feels like he's reminded of something when Sans does or says something. The whole point of that was to establish that Sans is very much alone with his memories.**
> 
> **Now, enough blah blah! ENJOY!**

Five years passed excruciatingly slow. Sans remained alone for a vast majority of those years, only reconciling with Grillby the year before. The flame monster had yet to forgive him, and Sans doubted he ever would, but he was kind enough to decide to simply move on and look forward. It wasn't like this timeline would last forever anyhow. Soon, everything would reset and Sans could live the timeline he had initially intended to.

"You seem chipper today." Grillby noted as he cleaned a whisky glass.

"yeah, i've been waiting for this for a while." Sans smirked as he sipped on a bottle of ketchup. "it's why i ordered this for a change."

"Going sober? Shocking for you." Grillby snorted.

"heh. just treating myself." Sans shrugged and stared emptily in front of him. "today's going to be a horrible day. the worst of our lives."

"And yet, you're still in a good mood." Grillby noted, "You sure you didn't add any vodka to that ketchup while I wasn't looking? Only reason I can think for you to be so happy after such a grim prediction."

"nah, i promise." Sans smiled and sipped at the bottle again.

"Then does this have anything to do with Papyrus?" The flame monster asked, "You did ask him to meet with you in a few hours, right?"

"yeah." Sans confirmed.

During the past five years, Sans had only seen Papyrus a handful of times – even going two full years without seeing nor hearing from him once. But, every time they did meet, the taller skeleton tried to convince him to let him come home. Sans refused him every single time. Now that he thought about it, maybe Papyrus was hoping that, today, he would change his mind. After all, this was the first time in five years that Sans had invited him to do anything let alone agree to spend time together. The other times before had consisted of instances where Papyrus forced himself into the smaller skeleton's life or accidentally bumped into him while working.

Papyrus was still with Mettaton. He had lived with Undyne for a few months, but then fixed his relationship with the robot. The skeleton always wondered what that had been like. Had Mettaton slandered Sans or taunted Papyrus with how he had been right during their fight? Had Mettaton simply opened his arms and heart and comforted his brother benevolently? In the end, despite his curiosity, Sans didn't really want to know. Ignorance was bliss, after all.

"Cheer to that." Grillby said, raising the now clean glass.

Sans smirked and raised his bottle. "but first i've got to meet with an old friend." He added grimly, though the flame monster didn't seem to take note of his somber tone.

"Old friend?" Grillby repeated, amused. "I can't quite fathom who that would be."

"you've never met them." Sans replied, "and hopefully you won't ever."

"You do love your secrets." Grillby commented with a bit of resentment. Sans didn't blame him.

The skeleton glanced at the clock hanging on the left of the bar. There were two hours before the human finished rampaging through the Ruins and murdering Toriel. It was sad to know his friend would meet her end betrayed by a child she had genuinely loved in their short time together. There was no solace to be found in the resets either. Where Sans would get the opportunity to turn his life around, Toriel would find herself once more in lonely ruins mourning the deaths of her beloved children and scorning her husband. Her life was truly tragic, but at least he could brighten it a little with silly knock-knock jokes.

"it's part of my charm." Sans joked and Grillby laughed.

"Of course." He agreed, "The whole dark and mysterious joking skeleton monster angle really works for you."

Their conversation was interrupted as Dogamy and Dogaressa entered the bar, taking their usual seat near greater dog. Grillby excused himself as he brought them their usual order of dog treats laced with a drop of grape juice for a nice, nearly deadly buzz. They barked their happy thanks and in just a few short minutes, Grillby was continuing their conversation again. Sans spent the remainder of his two hours in such a fashion. It was nice and comforting. It helped him mentally prepare himself for the impending apocalypse.

"welp, looks like it's time for me to go." Sans sighed and jumped off his stool. He stretched his bones, sighing when a few of them popped.

"Are you going to make it in time?" Grillby asked, glancing at the clock. "You've barely got ten minutes before you're supposed to meet with Papyrus."

Sans smirked and winked, "don't worry. i'll just take a short cut." he said and teleported immediately after.

The skeleton found himself in the forest surrounding the entrance to the Ruins. The atmosphere was gloomy and tense and he took note of the faint presence of dust lingering in the air. It was as expected; the human had commenced another genocide. And just as he made the conclusion, the doors to the Ruins opened with a thunderous rumble. Sans peaked from his hiding spot and saw the human emerged with a sickly grin covered in dust and blood, clutching a toy knife.

"Sansy!" They chirped as they wandered down the path. "I know you're waiting for me. You always are. Come on, let's stop this silly game."

The human carefully stepped over a twig and, when they were far enough, Sans snapped it in two with his magic. They whipped their head back insanely fast in response, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Their reaction time was astounding and Sans could feel himself start to sweat. He didn't remember this part of the timeline as well as he would like to. His memories always blurred after the human murdered Papyrus and he could never remember how his own battle with the human transpired. That being said, the success of his attacks depended on a low reaction time and this was already a bad sign. He may have wanted a reset, but Sans wasn't charmed at the idea of a brutal death.

The human continued to venture down the path. Lost in his thoughts, Sans accidentally let the human wander much farther away from him than he would have liked and so he teleported behind them with the intent of then teleporting to another location. However, the moment he landed on the path behind the human, they wiped around and snatched him by the wrist.

"Got you." They chuckled darkly.

"…you're fast." Sans commented. Chills were running up his spine.

"Of course." The human boasted proudly, "I don't have a choice if it means beating you. Speaking of, I can't wait. I've gotten pretty good at killing you, you know. Do you remember?"

Sans glared and pulled his wrist out of the human's grasp. "you're as despicable as ever." He sneered and the human just laughed. "i don't understand why i'm still glad to see you."

The human immediately stopped and looked surprised. "Oh, Sans…" they continued with a teasing smile spreading on their face, "Have you fallen for me? I'd say I'm flattered, but that's _really_ disturbing when you think about it. Love at first murder isn't a thing."

"you're disgusting." Sans hissed.

"Now that doesn't sound like something someone who's in love says." The human noted, tapping the toy knife pensively against their bloody chin. "So if it's not love, then why are you happy to see me? Have we become murder friends?"

"shut up." Sans growled and shoved past the human, "it doesn't matter—"

The human aggressively grabbed him by the hood of his sweat shirt and pulled him back, pressing the toy knife to his throat. Sans was admittedly taken by surprise but still possessed the power to kill the human instantly due to their low hp. However, he wanted them to reset and so neglected to do so just yet. He needed a full reset, not a partial one.

"I think it _does_ matter, Sansy." The human hissed, face inches from Sans's face. "You see, I love hurting you. I get off on it, really. It's the only thing that brings me an iota of joy in this horrible, _horrible_ world. So I _need_ to know why you're happy to see me. It's important for _my_ happiness."

"screw you." Sans hissed and tugged himself out of the human's grasp.

The human seemed absolutely infuriated. For a moment, the skeleton thought they would attack him and maybe they would, but they were interrupted.

"Sans?" Papyrus called nervously from a few feet away.

"Papyrus…" The human muttered curiously. "You look… _different_." Their face scrunched up in confusion; "Was there an update I didn't know about?" but then they caught sight of the pink charm hanging around his wrist. Sans froze when he noticed little figures of Papyrus, Mettaton, and read hearts attached to the metal bracelet. "That's different…this has never happened before…I don't—" The human looked back at Sans for answers when it suddenly dawned on them. "You…you did this. You _changed_ the timeline."

"no, i—" Sans desperately tried to lie.

"Yes! _Yes!_ It all makes sense now!" The human excitedly exclaimed, "You fucked up! You made a mistake! You're excited to see me because you think – or you _know_ I can fix it somehow!" They thought for barely more than a second when they stumbled upon the right conclusion. Sans felt himself breaking under the unfolding disaster. This wasn't supposed to happen. "The resets! You _want_ a reset!"

"Sans, what's—" Papyrus tried.

"Shut up!" The human shouted harshly, launching their knife at Papyrus's face. Sans barely reacted in time to deflect the projectile with a magic bone. The human hardly seemed to care. "I don't know how you fucked up, but it must have been pretty terrible if you're actually happy to see me."

Sans knew where this was going. "don't you dare—"

"What? Didn't you once beg me to give you all a happy ending?" The human snarled devilishly. "It would be cruel to everyone else to take back your wish now that I'm ready to give it to you."

Sans lost it. He was overcome with a desperate sort of anger and he couldn't think of anything else to do other than summon his blasters and annihilate the human so he did. Papyrus shrieked and backed away in horror. He hadn't known about the degree of Sans's power and was daunted by it as he should be. The powerful attack had drained the human of all their hp but their determination kept them around for just a bit longer.

"You're so stupid, Sans." The human laughed as their heart threatened to burst at any second. "I'm going to reset and I'm going to bring you all to the surface, give you the happy ending you all wanted. I'll even face my mortality and let myself die as I was supposed to, destroying the reset phenomena forever. And you'll keep living with your dumb mistakes until the end of time."

"why are you doing this?" Sans gritted through his clenched teeth.

The human smiled sweetly at him. "Because you're my favourite, silly."

Then their heart shattered and they reset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I really hope I'm covering everything lol**
> 
> **The last thing I wanted to talk about was why I wrote this story. I think it's interesting to know what prompted the creation of stories so here's the context:**
> 
> **As much as this story was already loosely planned at the conclusion of For An Everlasting Smile, what made me delve into specifics and plan everything out was something I experienced for the first time in my entire life: heart break. I was rejected by an old friend and I was really affected by it because, up to that point, I had never genuinely loved someone. I had never thought to myself "yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with him/her/them".**
> 
> **The rejection wasn't unprecedented either. My old friend is heterosexual and would at most date a trans man because, you know, they're still a man and she's hetero. That being said, I had gotten romantic notions in my head like maybe I was the one woman she would be okay dating and having a relationship with. Maybe this. Maybe that. But that wasn't the case so it made the rejection all the more brutal.**
> 
> **What's more, I was kind of a jerk. Now I wasn't the kind of jerk who was like "you owe me this" because that's not true, she doesn't owe me anything. I respected her decision no matter how heart breaking it was for me because I do still value her as a friend. That said, I did say things like "I don't know if I can still be around you/your friend" and "my instincts are telling me to just cut you off for my own sake". So yeah. I wasn't very nice in that respect.**
> 
> **It made making up a bit difficult. She knew I needed space so she gave it to me, but she didn't know how much she ought to give and whatever. Meanwhile, I was getting anxious about having destroyed our friendship permanently. I thought that maybe because of these unrequited feelings, things would get uncomfortable for her. Maybe she wouldn't want to see me anymore because she would be weirded out. Maybe she wouldn't want to hang out with me for fear of me trying to take advantage of her. And a bunch of fears like that started crossing through my mind and, naturally, I started to feel like shit. This pooled into my self-hate and, yeah, I drank a lot to cope.**
> 
> **I only recently got it out of my system when I got absolutely plastered with my best friend and his boyfriend. I threw up EVERYWHERE and it was great. At that point I started to feel better and I haven't had much to drink since. This story was also another way for me to vent out my sadness, frustration, anger, and regret. I felt less alone with someone else living through it with me.**
> 
> **So that's the story behind this story. To all those who read this part, do me a favour and DON'T mention it to me in the comment section. I didn't share this story for you to give me your unneeded words of "wisdom" or advice. It was to give insight on the context and to show parallels and whatever because I think that's interesting. So DON'T mention this to me, I will shut you down.**
> 
> **HOWEVER, what you can do and what I would be interesting to hear if you are willing to share is why some of you found Sans so relatable in this story. Sans was basically paralleling my story so that's why I related to him; but I know some of you felt the same way. I don't know. It would be interesting to hear if you're all willing :)**
> 
> **SEE YOU IN ANOTHER STORY**


End file.
